fleeting thoughts

My Valentine's Day Present

2012-02-14T21:24:00.000+08:00

So I've been pulling my hair out over my dissertation lately.

My gripe: the professor with whom I've been attached to seem to think that I'm some super student. He expects me to have read all the papers he has written over his 15-year long professorship. He expects me to be able to interpret the results of all his advanced econometric models (lagged correlations, multi-variate regression, durbins-watson, granger casuality, and what not). When I pointed out to him that our school does not have any public computers with the requisite software installed, he expects me to get it, by hook or by crook. And he expects me to learn to the software from scratch, by myself. Besides fumbling with this econometrics software, I've also have had to learn how to navigate the Thomson Datastream financial database. Alone. It is a steep learning curve.

When I reported my results to him, which unfortunately was statistically insignificant, he suggested I scrap the rather sizeable section and embark on a totally new sub-topic. He made the suggestion in a off-handed and nonchalant kind of manner, as if it's perfectly natural that one should pour weeks of effort down the drain . As of today, I have spent many a man-hour poring through the balance sheets of some 120 Singapore and Hong Kong property companies, classifying them into his requested categories. I have also written and re-written, organized and re-organized my dissertation umpteen times.

He is a hard task master, one I thought will never be satisfied. Which was why it was so awesome when a fellow student mentioned earlier that the professor casually revealed to him/her during one of their meetings, that "Jansen is very hardworking". Win. On the exterior, I didn't bat an eyelid, but inside, my heart was set aflutter.

Today, I think I fell in love.

Shall We Dance?

2012-02-09T00:05:00.001+08:00

Beverly: Why aren't you at the party?

Clark: Oh because it's a dance, and to dance you need a partner. My partner is right here.. Beverly.. dance with me?

Beverly: Ahh? I don't know how..

Clark: Yeah you do.. Yeah we've been dancing for the past 19 years..

Shall We Dance (2004)

I watched this awesome movie many years back. Yet, each time I listen to the theme song: The Book of Love, and re-watch the scene of Richard Gere waltzing up the escalator in a crisp suit and combed-back hair, holding a single rose in his hand to meet his wife, tears well up in my eyes. These tears remind me of the cry baby part of myself I keep hidden from most others, but still very much alive inside. Many years have passed, and many things have changed. Thankfully, I can take comfort in the knowledge that many things continue to stay the same, like the ability of this movie to cocoon me in a blanket of warm-fuzzy feelings and wash away a little of my cynicism.

The wife wanted to buy a gift for her husband, but he is a man of few wants. She tries to get hints as to what he likes, preferably something that comes in a box, but each time she cajoles him for information, he just smiles quietly. In the end, she discovered his passion - dancing. It lied buried beneath the surface, its glint smudged by the drudgery of everyday life. Its brilliant form, one decked in the royal colours of gold and silver, only reveals itself to those who will seek it.

So on the morning of the day of his dance competition, she bought him a pair of sleek and shiny dancing shoes. On the box she attached a note:

P.S. I've finally found something you like that comes in a box.

So touching. So heart-warming. So tear-jerking. So poignant..

Which were my feelings precisely when this was presented to me:

Thank you Climb Asia!

别怕我伤心

2012-02-02T12:41:00.002+08:00

我从来不敢给你任何诺言
是因为我知道我们太年轻
你追求的是一种浪漫感觉
还是那不必负责任的热情

心中的话到现在才对你表明
不知道你是否会因此而清醒
- 李宗盛

I never dared make you any promises
Because I know we're still too young
Will you stay through the romance
Or are you driven by passion, with no thought for consequences?

My honesty is expensive, are you willing to pay for it in hurt feelings and rude awakenings?
After all has been said and done, whether you've understood anything still remains a mystery.

Gym Jones

2012-02-01T01:46:00.005+08:00

Taken from http://www.gymjones.com/gym/

At Gym Jones we train athletes. We train professionals. We train individuals. The common thread binding our clients is Will: to suffer, to throw former selves on the fire, to overcome and to change. For some of these individuals fitness can mean the difference between life and death.

For others it's the decision between a life well lived and a life squandered. Our objective is functional fitness, and not merely the appearance of fitness - actual capacity strengthens confidence, a facade is merely physical. We embrace traditional ideas, and continue to create and implement new ones. We're experienced, creative, inquisitive and experts in our fields. Gym Jones is not a cozy place. There are no televisions, no machines, no comfortable spot to sit - and there are no mirrors.

The training is painful. There are no shortcuts. Physical and psychological breakdowns occur. Our culture, dedicated to The Art of Suffering, is both safety net and inspiration. Individuals push harder and risk more alongside trustworthy peers. To maintain this spirit we're dedicated to choosing only clients who have the ability to adapt this philosophy. Gym Jones is private, but not closed.

We surround ourselves with people like ourselves. You become what you hang around.

It's a Girl Thing

2012-01-24T13:51:00.009+08:00

I'm in a little bit of a dilemma now. I think I would need advice from girls, because this is a 'girl' problem.

You see, some girls can be rather critical of the bodies of their male counterparts. Common criticisms sent flying my direction include, "Why your calves look like chicken leg?, "Why you so scrawny?" or "Why you so fair?" Sadly, they occur more often then I would've liked. Perhaps it is the mass media and the repeated bombardment of images of tanned, sculpted and masculine bodies. Perhaps it stems from evolutionary selection, that women are attracted to men of such built because of the perception that they provide a sense of security. Here, I also want to note that besides craving physical security, they also want emotional security AND financial security. They want all these layers of security weaved into a beautiful piece of tapestry and served on a silver platter. But really? You want the best of ALL worlds? If your ideal man sounds too good to be true, he probably is. This 'sweep-me-off-my-feet' fairy-tale thinking generates a whole host of other problems. But that is a post for another time.

As a result of such societal pressures, males are compelled to conform. They turn up at the gym in droves. They pump iron and ingest overwhelming quantities of processed protein, all in their bid to improve their aesthetics. With their increased gait comes an insatiable appetite for ever bigger and bigger muscles. Ironically, none of this fitness is functional. The gym exercises are typically one dimensional, leading to muscle imbalances and chronic weakness in the stabilizers. But who cares, since women go for form over function!

Despite all the criticisms, strangely, it is this same body which is capable of walking a 32km route march with a 12kg field pack, of jogging and swimming every week, of doing several one-arm pull or/and push ups and of climbing an 8a route. In rock climbing lingo, 8a means that the problem is not so easy. It is also this same body that drags itself to training on even the worst of days. I'm clear about my goals, and my training is steeped in the philosophy of specificity. Sorry, but I prefer function over form.

Whenever such a scenario hits me like a bolt from the blue, I'm rendered dumbfounded. The rudeness of it knocks the wind out of me. For me, interaction with others is done on the premise of thoughtfulness and consideration. That some people can be so woefully unaware of such etiquette is somewhat of a culture shock for me. Composure regained shortly after, three courses of action present themselves. Should I..

Option 1 (Dove): Laugh along with them at myself in a self-deprecating manner. While I'm at it, why not add fuel to the flame and beat myself down further? I could say that I'm the most useless guy ever, how no girl has ever done so much as bat an eyelid at me and how it's not surprise that she isn't.

Option 2 (Neutral): Shrug off the comment. Act nonchalant. Maintain my pace of walking, continue breathing normally. Only the slight awkwardness in my step or the little sigh at the end of the conversation will betray that I ever heard anything.

Option 3 (Hawk) : Retaliate by attacking the perennial weakness of women - their sense of insecurity regarding their own bodies. Or up the ante by passing withering remarks of their lack of intellectual and/or spiritual development.

While Option 1 or 2 will allow me to retain their friendship, it has the downside of making me less of a man. It is too contrived and too self-beating. "Defend your honour!", my insides scream. Deliberately or not, she pricked my ego, and she deserves treatment in kind. An eye for an eye, I don't care if the world goes blind! Yet, should I yield to such a pacifist approach, aren't I just asking to be henpecked? A few times of doing that will see the transformation of a young man brimming with youthful vigour to a downcast tramp despondent with dread. The line really between gentlemanly/magnanimous and unrefined/petty is really quite fine.

While Option 3 will no doubt lose me friends (can I even call them that?), I have a sneaky suspicion that it will flood my stomach with an awesome sense of vindication. There is something exonerating about watching the bridge that you've set fire to burn to a smouldering crisp. To add spice, I could even inject a healthy dose of sarcasm, e.g. "Oh my scrawny frame suits your small boobs perfectly" or "My chicken legs are an interesting contrast to your thunder thighs". Who knows, she might even be take fancy to my scathing wit! But if she feels hurt, or worse, start crying and then go around complaining to all her friends, then gosh.. It's my reputation blown to smithereens! Damn.. If only I were as adept at emotional blackmail.

Perhaps the people most critical of others are also the most insecure about themselves. Sheesh.. Girls. Go figure.

But the problem remains.. What should I do?

Why You So Irresponsible?!

2012-01-21T13:55:00.006+08:00

A friend heard that I was going to France for 6 week for a rockclimbing trip post graduation. He/she enquired as to whether I've found a job yet, to which I responded that I haven't had such luck. In a passing remark, he commented, "So you haven't found job yet can go holiday already arh?"

At this point, the temperature in the air began to chill. All the baby blue in the sky was draining, revealing dank colours of moody grey and angst black. Cumulonimbus clouds were packing into itself in buffeting rolls of thunderstorm. As the tempest gathered momentum, the overcast sky threatened to tip over and unleash all its bone-chilling contents onto the unsuspecting passers-by below.

Oh? You haven't gotten my drift yet? To do that, you'll have to read between the lines. Let me translate the comment: "You fucked up leh. Haven't find job yet still can go holiday. Why you so irresponsible?"

That person doesn't know that I've been attending career fairs ever since I was in my first year. That person doesn't know that I'm painfully aware of how inadequate my CV is, and in a bid to polish it I did one internship during my second year and another one during my third year. To secure the first internship, I sent out letters to over 30 companies, before one finally graciously accepted me for a small position. To secure the second, I had to compete with over 140 other students to gain a spot in the school's cut-throat internship affiliation programme with industry players. Heck, typical undergrads play away these long breaks! The pain of rejection, of feeling small and worthless, only burns too brightly in my mind.

The person doesn't know that I've painstakingly pulled up CAP up over the semesters until it has reached a level employers recognize to be respectable. After all that effort, the knowledge that it is only good for allowing me to put one foot through the door amuses me to no end. The CAP crawl was achieved on top of other commitments, e.g. contributing to a fledgling rockclimbing magazine and blog, coaching at various school two to three times a week, training the novice girls in school over one semester, route-setting at both mock and actual competitions, and the heaviest of them all, an athlete for one of our local gyms. But I'm not complaining - I revel in the rush. I've never felt more alive.

The person doesn't know that I've been called up for two interviews already, both for investment analyst positions, the first with a property fund and the second with a property consultancy. For the latter, I'm humbly honoured that it was via a recommendation from a professor to one of his director friends. The person doesn't know that I prepared intensively for both, doesn't know the trepidation with which I stepped into the swanky offices, doesn't know that I thought the interviews went well, only to be dealt a mortal blow upon finding out I wasn't further shortlisted for either.

The person also doesn't know that I'm still keeping my chin up. I'm still trying, still hopeful for this fresh round of hires. I've submitted various applications, but I'm past the stage of worrying about the results. I'll just let the results worry for itself. In the meantime, I'll go pursue what I love to do. I'll also hope for some luck. After all, luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Too bad the opportunities are few and far between.

And for that person.. Well.. What he/she doesn't know won't hurt him/her.

Alice in Wonderland

2012-01-15T14:10:00.001+08:00

One friend came up to me for climbing advice.

"How do I get stronger?", she started. "First, you think to think about your goals in climbing", I replied. I started talking about how motivation should be intrinsic, about how the impetus should first come from the climber. But before I could fully elaborate on my points, she cut in with another question, "So how many sets of PT do you think I should do?"

I was exasperated. Our conversation continued to meander endlessly in such a roundabout way. My points weren't hitting the mark, much less making an impact.

There and then, I knew the conversation had warped into a classic case of "Don't give advice unless the person is listening". I thought hard about how to extricate myself out of this predicament, and then the solution elegantly presented itself to me. I shall quote her a story.. One Lewis Carroll wrote in 1865.

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?", said Alice.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you’re sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

I think the message got across in the end :)

The Five Love Languages

2012-01-10T18:39:00.000+08:00

Ok so my friend lent me this book upon my request. Laugh away, but in a few days time, be prepared to see a more charming version of Jansen Ko!

I've started reading.. and here's my favourite lesson so far:

Psychologists, psychiatrists, sociologists, anthropologists and educators have suggested in countless studies and numerous research papers that love is a "learned response, a learned emotion.".. Most of us continue to behave as though love is not learned but lies dormant in each human being and simply awaits some mystical age of awareness to emerge in full bloom. Many wait for this age forever. We seem to refuse to face the obvious fact that most of us spend out lives trying to find love, trying to live in it and dying without ever truly discovering it.

- Professor Leo Buscaglia

Tiger Mum

2012-01-06T01:57:00.003+08:00

So I was having a leisurely swim at the swimming pool. It was just me and another sunny afternoon, clocking laps in the bid to keep that engine oiled. Minutes passed, and the scenery stayed the same. Raise head out of water, inhale, splash back into water, exhale. The monotony of the sound of water flooding and then trickling out of my ears was only interrupted by the entrance of the main characters of this blog post.

A middle aged woman emerged, with two young boys in tow. By the looks of it, the boys couldn't be older than ten years old.

"Get into the pool!", barked the mother. "Today we are doing 40 laps."

"But Mum! Daddy says we're only supposed to do 35 laps..", bargained the older boy.

"No buts! I say 40 means 40!", the mother rebuked. The two boys were disgruntled, but they meekly obeyed. The younger boy was only too happy to leave the bargaining, and subsequent scolding, to his older brother.

They started with swimming boards for warm up. With the boundless energy that springs from their youth, it seemed only a short while before the twin dynamos did 4 laps. Their tiny legs kicked in sync, harmonizing the pitter patter rhythm across the water's surface.

For some reason known only to little (and necessarily pesky) boys, a short while into their routine they started quarreling. I cannot pinpoint the exact reason, but I think it was because the the younger boy cut into the older boy's lane. Over something inconsequential, they started bickering.. Boys are silly like that. In my head, I went "Uh no..". No doubt, the mother will soon be hot on their trail. I know because I speak from personal experience.

True to my prediction, the mother burst onto the scene. Over the cacophony of arguments, the two boys presented their case to her. The older boy thought he had the stronger suit. Obviously, his brother was in the wrong and should be punished! But oh.. woe is him and his sense of righteousness!

Regardless of who was right or wrong, both boys were punished. The swimming boards were taken from them. They were made to swim the remaining laps without its aid. Against the wrath of Emperor Dowager, the boys had no recourse. That afternoon, their mother taught them an important lesson in teamwork and cooperation.

While the boys were put through their paces, the mother paced tirelessly along the length of the pool. Under the blazing sun, she kept a vigilant eye on her charges. Grasping a stopwatch in hand, she constantly barked orders at her boys. The snap of her fingers split the air resoundingly, its amplitude not unlike that of the crack of a whip.

"Change to breaststroke!"

"Ok. Now butterfly!"

She didn't need a whistle. Her shrill voice rang out authoritatively across the expanse of the pool. There was no mistaking it - the lady glowering from the reflected rays of the sun was the physical embodiment of the fabled tiger mother.

The competitive side of me whispered furtively. Given how I'm more advanced in years, I could surely lap the inexperienced fledglings easily? That inception planted a seed of thought in my head, which blossomed into a course of action. I'll do it!

I thought I should give them a handicap. So when they launched off, I surreptitiously counted to 10 before I took off. I slammed down the throttle, but no matter how furiously I paddled, they only seemed to drift further and further away. They torpedo-ed through the water like a dolphin, while I lagged behind in their wake like a wounded duck. My muscles burned, eventually refusing to continue functioning at the breakneck speed I demanded of them. Then, I knew the race was lost.

Under their tiger mum, the boys have already started putting in their hours. It'll only be a matter of time before the 10,000th hour mark (achievement unlocked!) is hit. By hook or by crook, using a mix of persuasion, pleading, cajoling and threatening, she put her children through rigorous training. Yet, beneath that tough facade, hints of motherly love were apparent. There was a water bottle positioned thoughtfully at the water's edge. When the boy's trunks slipped a little (opps parental guidance advised here), she readjusted the knot for him before slapping his ass to get back into the water.

Tough love indeed. Perhaps I should make a rain check on these 2 precocious kids 20 years down the road.

Baking Experiment

2011-12-29T20:48:00.005+08:00

Ok so I'm a sucker for cheesecakes. But the occasional indulgences are burning a hole in my pocket. Then I found out the great secret.. It's so much more economical to make one myself! Ok I guess that ain't much of a secret.

The ingredients

I decided to upload these pictures here, as opposed to facebook, because honestly, I think it's embarrassing. Really. The chauvinist inside me vehemently insists that the toiling over the stove is the domain of womenhood. The romantic inside me argues that men make awesome chefs too. So it was with the most conflicted of feelings that I embarked on this little adventure.

My experiment yielded mixed results. The cookie base was a little too hard, the cheese filing was a little too firm (opps over enthusiastic with the gelatin).

Thankfully there was a saving grace.. The peaches were yummy-licious perfect! Tangerine sweet goodness packed within a chewy crunchy exterior.. It succeeded where all else failed!

The final product!

Ehh wait Jansen. The peaches were through no effort of your own. All you did was to open the fruit can and slop the peaches down ._.

Next time will be better! In the meantime, I better prepare my stomach for this handiwork..

A Proud Moment in NUS (Academia)

2011-12-23T00:07:00.009+08:00

There are many a happy moment when one feels an intense sense of self satisfaction. Sometimes it flows like a cascading waterfall, filling up every void in the soul. Other times, it ignites like a roaring inferno, lighting up every corner in the heart. Rockclimbing wise, my proudest moment would be sending Asian Shadow Play in Krabi, Thailand. I recall being so intimidated by the route initially and even gave up after only a few attempts because I couldn't bear the pain. And crimps were supposed to be my forte! When I clipped the chains, it wasn't wild exuberance or crazy celebrations, it was quiet relief. I could finally move on.

The purpose of this post however, is not to talk rockclimbing. As much as I love the sport, I want to explore other facets of life. It would be my greatest regret if 30 years down the road, I find myself living the sad existence of a one-dimensional man. Here, I want to talk about my proudest moments academia wise. Singaporean climbers mostly don't like to talk about studies. The general sentiment is that good climbing grades and good studying grades are mutually exclusive. The belief is not unwarranted, given how most of our strongest climbers aren't academically inclined. Win some, lose some.. I guess.

I too, intensely dislike the rote learning that is typical of our education system. However, I am a prisoner of circumstances. Like it or not, given how many applications are sent in, employers resort to using grades as the first screen. If my grades do not meet the cut, I can't even get one foot through the door. Grades are also often a major determinant of one's starting pay, rate of promotion and maximum attainable position. This is especially true for the public sector. The consequences are only too clear to me. Therefore, I choose to lead a wretched existence now, fighting tooth and nail for every point in order to try for respectable grades. By doing so, I hope my path will be more smoothly paved for the future. Don't blame the player, blame the game.

The results for this semester were released recently. I scored my highest SAP (Semestral Average Point) ever and managed to pull my CAP (Cumulative Average Point) up by 0.07, which is a miracle in itself given how I'm already into my 7th semester (there are 8 semesters altogether). Having suffered 6 semesters of it languishing just below 4, it feels like I've been hanging off the edge of the cliff by two fingers for the longest time. I crept nearer and nearer, 3.93, 3.98, 3.99.. but NEVER 4! It was so frustrating! As just my endurance is failing, I somehow managed to mantle my ass up over the edge. But please don't be mistaken, it is not my intention to brag about a superficial thing like grades.

While I'm delighted at the score, I'm more satisfied at the effort and sacrifice that went into attaining it. Previously, I wrote about my internship stint - the difficulties in adjusting and the trials faced at getting up to speed. My ex-gf broke up with me in the midst of all that, making an already tough period even more trying. It happened on a Thursday night. I barely slept the night at all and woke up on Friday with bloodshot eyes and a sallow complexion. Painfully aware that taking an MC would potentially jeopardize the supervisor assessment component, I dragged my broken self to work. "I'll have time to pick up the pieces", I thought. Boy was I in for a rude surprise. The moment I sat down at my desk, the nasty supervisor (I have 2 supervisors) dumped a huge stack of work on my table. "Get it done by today", she intoned smugly.

Tears welled up inside my eyes. I blinked it away. That Friday, I worked overtime to clear the work. That Friday, a part of me died inside. That Friday, I will remember for a long time to come. But no matter. I do what is necessary. Crying solves nothing.

I was elated to learn that eventually, the nice supervisor got hold of the grading script. I think she marked me generously. That I scored the creme de la creme grade, an A+ (a first for me!), is just the icing on the cake. I'm just glad that my efforts paid off.

Out of the Boiling Pot and Into the Fire

2011-12-01T17:29:00.007+08:00

Once again another semester has come to a close. The flurry of school activity is interspersed haphazardly with the rush leading up to projects submission deadlines, before finally culminating in the finals. And ohhh I've never liked examinations, for I believe they only test a myopic range of skill sets. These skill sets are often not even relevant in the working world. After having been chided on several occasions over my lack of applicable knowledge, I only know too well. I've always wondered if book smart has any direct correlation with street smart. Is it a case of either or, or can a person harness both powers?

What hurts the most is that despite examinations being a poor representation of a person's entirety, because of the high weightage accorded, they pretty much dictate the eventual grade, and by extension, the person's entire career ahead of him. The consequences of falling over the wrong side of the bell curve only really hits when you embark on the perilous task of job hunting. In a faceless world where self-interests comes first, without the right connections, you are left to fend for yourself.

Seeing scoundrels who leave their poor group mates to bear the brunt of the projects, but utilizing their exam smarts to secure their eventual desired grades, riles up a sense of injustice. You want to stand up and scream about the unfairness of it all. You scream till your voice goes hoarse and your lungs collapse, but there is no one out there to hear you, much less save you. It's a harsh, harsh world. Thankfully, you are offered a lifeline. Against the raging currents of scheming and plotting and conniving and ill-gotten gains, you remain sane in the knowledge that you've not only picked up additional technical skill sets, you've also had the opportunity to witness a person's true character. When push comes to shove, is he someone you can count on?

As seen from a friend's FB status: Fate usually has an unexpected way of rewarding or punishing individuals but I can only pray and hope for the very best. But one thing for sure, I know I have tried my best. And isn't that the most important thing in life?

Aww come on. Don't be a grouch. Now that examinations are over, you've got the good life to look forward to. Ehhh wait a minute... NO?! You mean your dissertation professor is breathing down your neck regarding your slow progress? He wants you to further expand your scope?? Oh wait, there's more?!! There's also a compulsory "holiday" at Seletar chalet to attend? That's it.. Kick him more when he's down!

I can only laugh at myself, and think what a quaint story it would make on 9gag or fmylife.

Shut Down but not Shut Up

2011-11-29T20:10:00.003+08:00

Every company wants the best and the brightest. So I guess this begets the question: When is it my turn?

Waiting for that email or sms to pop up on your screen, either sounding the death knell or the victory bell, is an intensely anxiety-inducing process. Symptoms include checking your electronic devices every few hours, eagerly awaiting the (hopefully positive) results. Something churns in your stomach - Expectations is making itself heard.

Days turn to weeks, and weeks to months. Then the realisation gradually dawns on you, as a paying customer feedback comes back fast, but as a job seeker you'll be lucky to receive anything more than a cursory reply. It's like all your correspondence gets sucked into a devious all-consming corporate black hole. You don't know why you didn't get the job. You ask for feedback but receive none. You continue to grasp about in the dark, like a blind man frantically grabbing around, only too happy to latch onto anything that will offer support. But no support will come. To add insult to injury, to them you come across as being desperate. They laugh at your misfortune. They sneer down from their high horses.

You take it like a man. You lick your wounds, and move on. And you tell yourself, next time when you go job hunting, perhaps you shouldn't write about it (or even talk about it), lest you be jinxed.

Shen Jia Yi

2011-11-13T23:30:00.010+08:00

Yesterday, I watched a film by Jiu Ba Dao - Apple of My Eye (那些年我們一起追的女孩). There was this scene, which I was thought was very poignant.

The setting is as follows. Shen Jia Yi (the female lead) had just broke up with Ke Teng (the male lead). Another guy ("the fat dude"), who had been pining over Shen Jia Yi from the start, capitalized on Ke Teng's misfortune. He wrangled his way to become Shen Jia Yi's new beau. But his success was short-lived, she broke up with him after 5 months.

The scene which particularly struck me was when Shen Jia Yi and the fat dude was in the cafe. The fat dude was pointing out what career path she should take; what are the requisite certifications she should gun for; what are the good universities to go to. Clearly, he had his eye on their future. He had her best interests at heart, I guess. Being a goody-two-shoes and a matured individual, that was his way of loving her, perhaps the only way he'll ever know. Life to him is one unerring plan, one unchanging road map, charted unambiguously from point to point. But while he was droning on and on, Shen Jia Yi gaze was fixated on something outside the window. Her heart was elsewhere.She wanted an adventure, not some perfectly laid out grand plan. Her future was not with him.

It scares me to think that that the character portrayed by the fat dude, one so detestable to watch, might actually live inside of me.

请不要偷看我

来不及防备的眼神

同人不同命

2011-11-09T20:49:00.011+08:00

One of my secondary school classmates ("Classmate A") made the news recently - for the wrong reasons. It was a story of love turned sour, resulting in accusations of assault against him, culminating in a full-blown criminal trial in the Hong Kong courts. The entire saga raised a huge uproar in the media. I'm not here to write a post decrying or defending his actions. The entire issue just got me thinking about where it all started.. in a school along Tanjong Rhu Road..

Classmate A was what teachers would consider to be a naughty boy. Together with other naughty boys, they became infamously known as the naughty gang. They were a teacher's nightmare - they talked back, they rebutted, they challenged authority. The teacher thought she solved the problem with an innovative solution - she got the naughty boys to sit right in front, thinking that they wouldn't dare misbehave within such close proximity of her watchful eye. Never in history has a plan backfired so dramatically - they just brought the ruckus with them to the front of the class. Not a day went past without one of them being made to fa zhan, or were thrown out of class (books and all), or have their parents summoned to tea with the principal. On the flip side of the coin, you have good boys like yours truly. Heck, my email address says it all! I meekly listened to my teachers, I studied hard and I always toed the line. While boys from the naughty gang always had their arms draped across the shoulders of the prettiest girls, the only thing willing to accommodate my arm is my trusty old schoolbag on the hour long bus ride home. Heh.

Fast forward 8 years. Today, Classmate A is on his way to becoming a lawyer (that is until he got caught up in this saga). Another naughty classmate, Classmate B, has intern-ed with several prominent financial institutions, eventually landing a job as an economist with the Monetary Authority of Singapore. Me, on the other hand, is still struggling in the abyss of what the administrators proudly call 'holistic university education'. I'm clawing my way uphill, but opportunities, if any at all, are few and far between. Other well-behaved classmates has gone to take on jobs as accountants, teachers and dentists. Respectable careers no doubt, but compared to the high flying naughty classmates, the luster lose its keenness.

Always listen to your teacher? Hah. Personal anecdotal appears to suggest otherwise. It appears that in order to attain some measure of success in life, you require a certain streak of rebelliousness. In the meantime, the good boy continues to languish. Currently, he feels like he's on a one way trip to nowhere. He considers overhauling his personality and perhaps, turn into a bad boy, because 男人不坏女人不爱.

Post Interview Thoughts

2011-10-30T00:25:00.012+08:00

In an earlier post, I wrote that I've landed an interview with a property fund. Actually, that statement is incorrect. To be more accurate, it's actually with the direct property division of a fund. How it works is that investors typically want real estate exposure on their portfolios. Real estate is traditionally favoured for its steady capital appreciation as well as it being a hedge against inflation. Investors can invest in real estate either directly through the purchase of brick-and-mortar developments, or indirectly through property stocks, or funds with exposure to property.

Anyways the interview with the investment management company was at one of the intimidating office blocks along Shenton Way. Despite having worked at one before (SGX Centre), I still feel mighty awed when I step into the swanky lobby of a towering block, seeing impeccably dressed people whispering in crisp undertones. To these people, I must appear so insignificant.

I've participated in so many competitions until I no longer feel nervous even with many eyes on me. But interviews are a whole different ball game! I had butterflies in the stomach in the days leading up to the meeting. Among other things, I diligently memorized their company values, read up on the backgrounds of the key people and rehearsed the nuts and bolts of financial modelling, all done in anticipation of the questions they would potentially throw my way. It was like preparing for an exam! The only difference being this one has rather immense repercussions.

On the day of the interview, I didn't take breakfast or lunch. I just couldn't put any food into my mouth. Feeling jittery, I arrived at the venue a full one hour earlier. I spent that interim period loitering in the lobby (attracting the stares of the hawkish security guards in the process) and twiddling with my tie. Let's just say that I can do a full bodied dyno with the entire Marina Square watching, but I hem and haw at the prospect of some industry veteran passing their subjective judgment on my future.

I can do this with a huge crowd watching but I can't perform at interviews?! Come on Jansen.. Skill transferability!
*Thank you Gerry for the video!

After a while, I guess the security guard finally felt she had to do something to earn her keep. She strode up to me, looked down at my scrawny frame and muttered in an authoritative voice, "Sir!? What are you here for?". Perhaps I look like a terrorist to her, and I don't blame her for it, given my pale lips and oversized (and chalky to boot) The North Face bag. I mumbled an almost inaudible response, "I'm here for a job interview with XXX on XXX floor". I take it that she was sufficiently satisfied with my reply, because she ambled away to continue with her duties, leaving me to my own (increasingly frenzied) devices.

Minutes passed, and the second hand on my watch struck 2. I looked at my watch fondly, recalling how it came into my possession. It was a gift to me from my aunt. Not used to buying material items for myself, I always greatly treasure the pragmatic gifts from people close to me. If I must do well at all, it is to repay the faith that such people have in me. The time has come for me to man up! As I was walking to the high speed elevator, who should chance upon me but the security guard from earlier! Her perennial frown eased into a smile, and she exclaimed, with a thumbs up no less, "Boy arh! Very handsome! Sure get the job one!" Heh.. A smattering of Singlish.. wholly inappropriate to use in an interview, but so heartwarming when used in such social settings! There and then, I promised myself that if I get the job, I'll buy her coffee.

So I entered the posh office of XXX. I left 1 hour later. I was so drained that I couldn't do anything for the entire day after that. I don't know if a 1hour interview should be taken as a good sign or a bad sign. I choose to be optimistic and opt for the former.. that the interviewer has taken an interest in me.. that my cover letter, cv and philosophies I verbalized was sufficient to warrant his second look. Fingers crossed that I'll be called up for Round 2!

First Impressions.. Don't Change Them

2011-10-21T00:02:00.013+08:00

I've done almost every single group project since the start of my university life with this pair of girls. Interestingly, till today they still think of me as a scrawny boy who does some rockclimbing, but cannot possibly be very good because he's so skinny. Whenever they make a dig at me, I always laugh along with them at myself in a self-deprecating manner.

You see I so small size you all still bully me! I typically reply.

Heh.. I never bothered to make the effort to change their impression, because it doesn't really matter to me. On the other hand, when I head down to the gym, all my climbing friends refer to me as 神, or gawd, either meant as a dig at my angry anti-religion past or as a compliment to my climbing ability (I think the former =x) But such dissonance.. such extremes! Is there no middle ground?

This semester, I'm doing a project with other group members. Another girl who added me on facebook commented that I'm like a monkey. I suppose she reached her conclusion because 95% of my photos are of me climbing. Sadly, I'm not a fan of taking photos of myself, photo-shopping all my imperfections away, and then posting them up on facebook.. So all the photos of me (if any at all) are taken by others.. I apologise that I've failed to live up to her expectations (don't look silly like a monkey?!), because that's just the way I am, flaws and all :)

Case in point: Lack of photos taken by me of myself

你却说花花世界
不必当真

你的爱就像完美毒药
对手断肠你依然漂亮

Climb On 2011

2011-10-16T23:39:00.004+08:00

By some strange twist of fate, I somehow managed to get 3rd for Climb On 2011. Heh.

Because of my injuries, prior to the event I did very little hard bouldering. Trainings mostly consisted of chit chatting with the guys, and then it's off to dinner and more chit chatting. I went into the event thinking that I'll do at most 3 climbs and then call it a day.

My movements were a little rusty at the start of the day, which was no surprise. I was afraid the elbow would act up, but it held up the entire day! Even so, I felt I didn't perform that well. I've lost that power endurance for longer and more trying routes. I was actually packing up to leave when Jups told me that I won something =x

I think I used up all my luck for the next 2 years..

Job Hunting

2011-10-14T00:54:00.002+08:00

Sweet! Landed an interview with a property fund! Time to prepare and ace that interview!

2 things that made my day

2011-10-12T23:38:00.013+08:00

It was after lessons and I headed to the engine canteen to have lunch. Nothing unusual, nothing out of the ordinary. Just that lo and behold, I chanced upon superiors from my ex company! They were at NUS to give a talk. Being my usual inquisitive (some would say kay-poh) self, I plastered them with questions regarding the career path decision making process. They shared with me some personal anecdotes, including but not limited to graduating into a bear market, sending out 90 resumes but only to receive 5 replies (all from the public sector - which he resolutely did not want), staking out for any opportunities that may present themselves while hanging onto an increasingly irritable job. I gleaned so many insights from their stories. I started talking to them about my career ambitions, and my frustrations at how companies seem only to want to hire 1st class honours graduates. I jokingly said that I might end up bumming around if I cannot find a job upon graduation. To that they replied that they'll be happy to take me if I applied to them. WHOOPIE. They even said to send the application to them, and that they would personally oversee my submission. Heh. A vindication of my efforts :)

In another incident, a totally random climber told me he's a big fan of my climbing!

Random person: u are a really awesome climber HAHAHAS
Jansen Ko: heyy thanks! erm.. but got many more stronger climbers than me lahh
Random person: Hahahahas not about being strong or what, character plays a part too
Jansen Ko: glad to have made your acquaintance then!

As seen on a random FB page
Heh. Damn happy now. To others it may not seem like much, but after having endured a rather depressive period lately (heartbreak, the perpetual torment of injuries, incompetent project group mates), these two bits of positive feedback is akin to a little ray of light piercing through the overcast sky to illuminate things that matter. Makes doing that shitty DCF spreadsheet so much more bearable. No matter that I have a presentation tomorrow morning, no matter that I just can't seem to figure out an appropriate discount rate to use for my cashflows, no matter that project deadlines are looming.. with these little pieces of encouragement, I find strength again to shoulder on! Hang in there Jansen!

Who knows what the future may bring, but he has a gut feeling that the best is yet to come!

曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

meandering paths to the same destination

2011-09-30T22:42:00.002+08:00

I believe the interview process that *** went through is also relevant as you will be applying for a job soon. One reason I like the *** case is because each time I read the case, I am reminded of my own journey. Each of us have our own story about how we end up in real estate. You may view it as luck (or lack of luck), fate or destiny. This is my story....

Ignorance - How I Got into RE: In my case, it was my good fortune or ignorance that I ended up in NUS doing a degree in B.Sc. (Estate Management). After we received our A-level results, a classmate in Kuala Lumpur mentioned that he is applying for "Estate Management" in NUS. I thought the option sounded good - career prospect seems good as there are many estates (rubber plantation etc.) to manage in Malaysia. My friend corrected me that the course is about real estate. Nevertheless, I followed my friend to apply for EM as my first choice. Eventually, I had three choices: (1) stay in Malaysia and read biz ad in the local uni, (2) come down to Singapore for the EM degree, or (3) continue working as an apprentice in an accounting firm and study part-time for ACCA. My heart was inclined towards option 3, because I like accounting and also, I didn't want to impose additional financial burden on my parents. But like JK, I had the good fortune of many senior colleagues in the accounting firm who pulled me aside and encouraged me to go to university as I may regret giving up the change to enter the university. So, I ended up in Singapore studying real estate.

Closed Door - Why I am Still in RE: If I was granted my wish when I was in my final year, I would have ended up in a career outside of real estate. In the late 1980s, one of the most glamorous companies for a fresh graduate to join was SIA as a management trainee (probably like investment banking or fund management industry in today's context). The competition to get into the company was stiff. I remember going for the career talk hosted by SIA and the very large lecture room in FASS was filled to the brim with students for all faculties. I applied, survived several rounds of interviews and written tests until there were only 17 of us left! The HR manager arranged a special meeting for us and I recall what he said (not in exact words), "As far as the HR is concerned, you have made it through our stringent interview process. However, there is still one more round to go, that is meeting the SIA Management Team. But don't worry, in the history of SIA, no one has ever dropped out at this stage of the interview. So, you can count youself as 99.999% an employee of SIA. Congratulations!"

You don't have to guess what happened. Unfortunately, the 0.001% came true.It was a huge dissappointment... I made a terrible blunder during the interview process. and learnt a painful lesson... I may have won an argument with the MD but I lost (my dream job)!

Destiny - One Door Closed, Another Open: It took me sometime to recover from the SIA dissapointment. I KIV all my applications and only decided to send out my cv to Colliers a few weeks before my final exam. I sat for the last paper, interview with Colliers the following day, was offered the job immediately, and started work the following week. Although the market was recovering from a recession, it was easy to secure the position because not many of my classmates considered taking a job in property management.

Calling - Why I am still in NUS: Within the first few weeks of working, I quickly realized what I was supposed to be doing with my life.... my calling is to stay in the real estate industry, gain the necessary work experience, and go back to teach in NUS!

p/s - God was gracious to allow me a 2nd chance. I joined SIA two years later, not as a generalist (management trainee) but as a real estate specialist! I had 4 wonderful years in SIA and at the right (ripe) time, the door opened for me to join the university. Time flies... I have now been with NUS for 17 years, firmly believing that the grass is greener on my side!

Motivation and Mental Training

2011-09-28T15:20:00.024+08:00

For the climbing camp, I was tasked by Jensen Seah to do a piece on my thoughts regarding how to hone one's mind during climbing competitions. While I'm happy to help him, I'm also hesitant, or even slightly reluctant, because my recent string of poor performances suggest that I'm a poor candidate for any advice giving. Let's just say that it is difficult to graduate with a good degree, to buff your resume so employers don't toss it aside at first glance, to perform consistently at competitions and to run your own investment portfolio ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I think difficult is an understatement. IMPOSSIBLE seems more appropriate. I feel like I'm burning myself at both ends of the candle. I don't get enough sleep. My body is falling apart with injuries plaguing my elbow (tendonitis) and my back (strain). I want to boulder hard but I cannot. It is so frustrating. I can't even help myself, yet I'm expected to help others. Bah.

Perhaps it will be my destiny to stretch myself out so thin in pursuit of everything, such that in the end I achieve nothing. Bah.

In the recently concluded Zenergy Bouldering Competition in KL, I ended up with last place. I'm sorely tempted to point the finger of blame at the poorly set routes, but that is just a defeatist mentality. People like to see the underdogs surmount challenges, not hear them whine about difficulties. Yet, the disadvantages of being a shorter climber (exponentially increased difficulty of span moves and jump starts) becomes apparent when ALL the qualifying routes are set to favour taller climbers. Competitions are just so arbitrary to tastes and preferences of the Chief Routesetter. I hate it!

Route 1: Bottleneck at huge throw off slopey pinch (left hand) to latch slopey pinch (right hand). In the earlier move, I did a toe hook to off the side wall to make the subsequent match hand (currently holding with my right hand in the picture) move easier. The emcee promptly announced my beta, after which all the following competitors used a toe hook ._.

Route 2: Bottleneck at this spot, where climbers were deceived into wasting attempts to try and hit the orange crimp on the red volume, instead of jumping straight for the two holds above. Dear Routesetter: If you want to set a dyno, please make it obvious!

Of course here I can write a nice flowery heartwarming passage about how I'll try harder, about how results are inconsequential, about how everything is fine and dandy. But seriously, the Routes 1 and 2 had a major bottleneck in each. Regardless of ability, all the climbers fell at the same place. The decider was in Route 3. Route 3 involved a jump-start, after which it was a cruise to the top. In the end, taller climbers (who could do the jump-start) were racing to finish the problem, because the route was so easy that the judges differentiated using time. How lame! For (shorter) climbers who couldn't get the jump start, it was an immensely frustrating experience to jump over 20 times off a designated foot hold to grab a hold you can easily latch jumping from the ground.

Also, for the competition they counted using total number of attempts, instead of least attempts to the highest hold. Like WTF?

Route 3: Lame compulsory jump start off a designated foothold to the right. It is actually much easier to catch the hold by jumping directly off the ground. In fact, I can even do it blind-folded. After that brown volume it was a cruise to the top. Lame will a capital L.

Jump starts simply aren't a fair test of climbing ability, since it is about as fair as getting a 1.6m NBA player to out slam-dunk a 2.2m one. How about I be Chief Routesetter and set awkward sit starts and cramp moves off micro crimps? Then we can have the taller climbers making over 20 attempts trying to get their ass off the ground. Bah.

Reached back SG at 0500. Lecture from 1100-1300. Project meeting from 1300-1545. Rush down from Clementi to Farrer Park. Climbing coaching from 1700-1900. I'm drowning. Arrowed by Professor to host a meet-the-industry-veteran session this Thursday. Some chairman from some big consultancy is coming down. Need to ensure the event proceeds smoothly. Stress. This begs the question, is what I'm doing worth it? Do so much, for what? Is there someone I can share my trials and tribulations, my frustrations and my joys, with? Bah*.

Anyways, the piece I wrote for Jensen is attached below, for your reading pleasure (or displeasure - some people don't like reading. If so, then what are you doing here?)

Hi friends,

I was approached to share some of my experiences regarding climbing. More specifically, I was tasked to the topic of mental skills training. I’m honoured that Jensen sought my opinion, yet at the same time I’m apprehensive because I feel I’m not the best go-to person regarding this topic. After all, my competition performance is erratic at best, downright crappy at worst.

I’ve been climbing and competing for close to 8 years now, so to ask me to distil those experiences into a 5 minute sharing session is a tall order. But because Jensen is such a committed coach, I’ll indulge him. But I find that I must first talk about motivation before performance. To do otherwise is the equivalent of putting the cart before the horse. Everything boils down to your motivations – that is the essence of not just climbing, but whatever endeavour you choose to pursue. The second point about mental skills training, which by extension is performance, will then tie in the first.

I believe that motivation has to be intrinsic. Nobody can shove a motivation pill down your throat to grant you drive, or zealousness. You’ll find that extrinsic motivation fizzles out after a while. First and foremost, you must want to do well. In that same vein, you must despise mediocrity. You must be slightly obsessed. In your pursuit of excellence, you must leave behind those who will only hold you back.

Here I must deviate slightly to make an observation. Why else would Ueli Steck want to climb the Eiger North Face faster than anyone else? Honestly, if he were a sensitive/thoughtful man, would he really choose to make a statement on that climb which so many before him have given their lives for? Call it whatever you want. You can say he wanted to push his limits. You can say he wanted to prove to others that the impossible may well be possible. Yet, the fact remains that the base emotion driving his ambition was greed. He wanted more. He wanted perfection. Yet, out of that selfishness bloomed something beautiful. He inspired a generation of alpinists to train hard, to become greater than he. The cycle repeats. Interestingly, Ueli also chose to solo instead of doing it with a partner, hinting that perhaps a partner who doesn’t fit like a jigsaw will probably only slow you down.

Ok so now we assume that you’ve made up your mind to do well. However, there is a catch. You cannot go to competitions thinking you want to win. You cannot go to a project letting the desires of wanting to send it consume you. If you let your expectations get the better of you, you’ll find that instead of it being a force for good, you become affected in a negative sort of way. Your movements become muddled. Your mind is cluttered with non-crucial thoughts. Inevitably, your performance suffers. The key is to focus on the task at hand, and the results will follow. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. Yet, even though I learned this lesson from climbing, I’ve failed to apply it to other aspects of my life. Thankfully, I had a friend remind me that I should be focusing on my education now, instead of worrying about my career in future.

In conclusion, climbing is a whole journey of reflection, contemplation and self discovery. At least this is the case for me. Good luck on your own adventure, and remember, there are many different paths to your destination. So pick one, it may be short and direct, or long and windy, but I’m sure that at the end of the day, you’ll have a story to tell too.

*I used Bah 4 times in this post. No I'm not bitter and I don't need counseling. I just need to stop using Bah.

Another Industry Veteran Sharing Session

2011-09-13T00:26:00.004+08:00

Post 1: Developing good EQ - it's time to work on it!

EQ or Emotional Intelligence can be briefly described one’s self awareness, self management, social awareness and relationship management.

Ms Chen have shared with us that a person with a good EQ is as important as a person who is good with number crunching. She has also mentioned that in today’s real estate scene, one must possess a good EQ to get things done and to advance within the organization. Since one’s EQ is closely linked to one’s personality, Ms Chen shared with us how the Mapletree Asset team had to let off an intern because of her bad personality exhibited during the internship stint despite displaying excellent academic grades.

Last but not least, she added that one has to maintain a positive attitude, be honest and accountable for our actions and not to do things within the organization for personal agenda as such actions will surface over time.

Post 2: Finding the Right Path

I went prepared for the UC&P session with an important question in mind. I wanted to find out what were the motivations behind Ms Chen’s first job application. I was hoping to tap on the words of wisdom of a successful real estate practitioner who has gone through what i am about to go through in less than a year’s time.

During the self-introduction, we were asked to talk about our future job aspirations. To which, i responded in all honesty that i am rather clueless. Then came the reply. Quoting Ms Chen, “Do some soul-searching, find out what you are suited for… and take a long term outlook.”

At that moment, the answer to my question was given, but in the form of another question – ironically directed at myself.

Later on, Ms Chen candidly shared with us her own career path, which in her own words, was rather ‘unplanned’. That, in a quirk manner, felt like a form of encouragement to me.

To my peers, i believe soon-to-be fresh grads like us are mostly anxious when mulling over our future careers – in hope of finding the ‘best’ path. While it is important to have a strategic vision for our career plans, we should also do some honest soul-searching.

What’s right for one person may not be right for another. There are many paths to success; i guess we just need to take some time to find the right one that suits us.

Post 3: The Paradox of Choice

With so many possibilities in our career paths, it really is difficult to pinpoint what is the ‘perfect’ job to pursue when we graduate.

Miss Chen shared with us how she didn’t plan which sector or job she wanted upon her graduation. She travelled for some time before coming back to Singapore, and yet she secured a job faster than most of her peers. (Moral of the story: go travel!)

Of course, perhaps it was slightly easier those days as there were relatively lesser choices compared to our current job environment. From the days of the brick and mortar, the dynamism of the real estate industry has evolved and become more integrated with the capital markets. Hence, there are many opportunities for us to apply our knowledge in the wide spectrum of the real estate process.

Finding out what drives you is a great way to make a good career choice. Although for Miss Chen, who mentioned that her career track was relatively ‘unplanned’, she’s driven because her bosses give her the flexibility to complete her tasks. She also values teamwork as she looks forward to working with her colleagues.

This made me reflect upon many of my group projects done in NUS. I’m sure some of you will identify with me on this, as some of your team members enjoy discussions, and some just prefer to ‘get things done quickly’. Whichever the mindset, I believe teamwork is an essential part of our real estate career in future.

Realistically, I’m sure all of us are concerned about our pay when we graduate. Good paying jobs are out there, but usually at the expense of time and work-life balance. When you start to dread going to work, that might be a good sign that you may value your social life and work-life balance more than the money! :)

Work Life Balance?

2011-09-01T23:38:00.006+08:00

Sow a thought, reap an action;
Sow an action, reap a habit;
Sow a habit; reap a character;
Sow a character; reap a destiny
-Professor Ooi

My faculty had a meet-the-practitioner talk recently. The deputy GM of Keppel Land came down for a sharing session with the students. After the session, students are encouraged to participate in a discussion forum and contribute their reflections.

I extracted two of the posts which I thought was particularly poignant. Read the following, and draw your own conclusions.

Post 1

During today's session, Mr Low shared with us about working towards your long-term career goal. Many of us have a dream job in mind but this job, whatever it may be, does not avail itself to us overnight. Some of us may wish to work for instance, as a portfolio manager or acquisition analyst but for such roles, companies may only hire professionals with experience and not fresh graduates. As these roles require specific skill sets and experience, a fresh graduate interested in these areas should gain experience in jobs that prepare him/her for that particular “dream job”. It would be useful to browse through classified advertisements and get a feel of the work experience and soft skills required for that particular “dream job”, and take up jobs that help prepare us for this long-term career goal.

Post 2

Hi all,

After attending this session, it convinces me even more that there will be no more work-life balance when we step into the working world, in order to have a successful career.

On one hand, one will be working so hard in the day, crunch figures late into the night (like doing projects in uni).

On the other, on your free days (should you even have any) you will be so busy trying to value-add yourself, attending courses (MBA, CFA etc.)

Where is the time left for family and friends?

Just to share, while I was interning at Far East Organisation in Property Sales, I guess our group of NUS interns are the only interns who possibly work 7 days a week, 830am to sometimes 12midnight during launches. I myself worked consecutive 15 days at one point, on weekdays its 930am to 830pm, on weekends 830am to 1130pm sometimes later.

What was supposedly my off day my clients actually called me saying they want to view the showflat, and you have to make your trip down because they are the potential customers who will purchase a unit from you. And since you are already at the showflat, you might as well make your time worth by serving more walk-in customers to increase your chances of closing a deal. Fortunately, when our boss see us working so hard he appreciate the fact that we are young and driven as well.

还是听妈妈的话吧晚点再恋爱吧

2011-08-24T17:57:00.015+08:00

Previously he was the geek who founded the Society of Gravitational Studies, but after he had his love spurned by the woman he loved, he turned into a Tonsai Playboy. Like the story of Beauty and the Beast, he thought he had found his Riesenbaby.

Deluded into thinking that he was moving up her Boobtube and Jumping for (her) Jugs, it turned out that she was a Tiger Queen, Baby Gorilla, Elephant and Lion King all rolled into one. That she possessed the blackest of all hearts, a Jai Dum, was hidden from him. By Way of Deception, she was toying with him like a puppet in Asia Shadow Play. No matter if he was the alpha male, the Cara Congreso, her Greed was greater than his Sex Power.

Now a broken man, he can only sit by Cafe Andaman, and look back on old days with Reminiscence. True, he No Have love, and was Cross-Eyed with delirium, but there is no point in throwing a Tantrum. Awash with sorrow, he was engulfed in a Tidal Wave of hurt. April's Fool, the joke is on him.

Sigh.

Love and all her vagaries. Watch as everything crumbles. Escape by acting Blind, Deaf and Dumb. Alas, love is but only merely Arts and Sport.

I set out to write a heartwarming, lovey-dovey story about climbing. How it ended up this way, I don't know. I can only grasp at straws.

Did your pretty face see what he's worth?

2011-08-21T12:18:00.036+08:00

Too bad that you couldn't see
See the man that boy could be
There is more than meets the eye
I see the soul that is inside
- Sk8er Boi (2002, Avril Lavigne)

A professor whom I highly respect recounted some stories with the class. He told us about his meandering past and the lessons he learned along the way. Among the many tales, a particular one struck a chord within me. In fact, it rang out with a resounding GONG. It was a story of substance versus style - an issue I'm struggling with.

An experiment was conducted on one of his classes. Wearing singlet, shorts and slippers, he pushed a rickety trolley into class. On the teetering trolley was a plain looking cake, unadorned and unfancied. Lets refer to it as Cake A. Unbeknownst to the students, Cake A was actually baked by the most highly regarded chef in the culinary establishment. In his sloppy attire, the professor walked up the aisles, offering a piece of Cake A to the students. They all politely declined.

He left. He returned shortly after, this time dressed smartly in a crisp attire. Accompanying him were several pretty female waitresses, in charge of pushing the shiny trolley in. This time, the cake was done up differently. Lets refer to it as Cake B. Cake B was displayed prominently as the centrepiece of the gleaming trolley. The package containing Cake B was left casually beside, as if chucked there carelessly. But ah hah, upon closer inspection you notice that it was actually surreptitiously positioned in such a way that the brand of the avant garde cake shop was obvious for all to see. The freshest strawberries were arranged aesthetically across the top, with fine frost icing sprinkled evenly across. Luxurious porcelain plates with the finest stainless-steel wrought cutlery were provided. The waitresses sashayed up the aisles to offer a slice, and this time, nobody refused.

Grinning themselves silly, the students bit into the succulent piece of morsel laid out in front of their eyes. They greedily chomped into it. PUI! They spat the debris out. It tasted of stale eggs and low grade flour! The cream was acrid and bitter, as if whipped out of the sweat and stank scrapped off the walls of ancient dungeons. The stringy yellow patterns swirling across the sides now looked suspiciously like someone's spit. The juicy-looking strawberries were actually choke full of pungent preservatives. The icing sugar that previously looked so inviting turned out to be sickeningly sweet. To add insult to injury, the make up on the waitresses started to cake off (pardon the pun), revealing the flaws they painstakingly tried to hide, strangely reminiscent of the way preservatives were utilized to deceive the students into thinking the rotten strawberries fresh! Your desires are elevated up to the highest pinnacle, but there is no fulfillment. You're left high and dry!

The professor was grinning too. He was indulging in a slice of Cake A: the cake nobody fancied. When cut opened, the aroma of freshest fruits wafted across the air. Sure the outside looked boring and mundane, but inside yielded a hypnotic concoction of the most extravagant ingredients, sourced from the most exotic corners of the world. Upon sinking your teeth in, your taste buds explode in exaltation. With each bite springs forth more delights, as if the symphony of musical flavours dancing across the caverns of your mouth. You can taste a hint of literature, you can revel in a dash of poetry; you understand arcane history, you appreciate current affairs; you are held spellbound by pristine geography, you are thoroughly astounded by financial wizardry. The intellectual leanings gleaned from your books has freed you from the flippant pursuits of the material world. You are satiated! What a balanced flavour! The whole experience is all too gratifying. You had stuck to your choice of a rough, unembellished stone and after some polishing, is eventually rewarded with a rare, sparkling gem. Pitiable that this concept continues to elude some people.

To the question of whether style or substance, I think I've already found the answer in an earlier blog post.. "..forceful reasoning on its own is insufficient. Only when weaved together with tactful persuasion, then can it create lasting impact." Those who fall prey to the glittery, illusionary world of style and style only, probably aren't worth your time anyway.

Round 5.. FIGHT!

2011-08-06T11:12:00.027+08:00

Only after scanning through my previous entries, did I realise that I've been to Krabi 5 times now. Can be considered a veteran already? I started writing a generic entry, detailing accomplishments and experiences, in much the same way as done previously. After some consideration I scrapped that writing style. All too often I've looked inside myself for the answers. Perhaps part of that truth lies concealed in the experiences of others as well. To my friends, I salute you and humbly submit this post in honour of the lessons you've taught me.

To Mr Lwee Jia Wei
You are not called the 'psyche monster' for nothing. You have a precious gift, one to stir, to influence. You inspire while aspiring, rousing others around you to climb harder. Your boyish enthusiasm at jumping on routes several levels above your current ability, screaming your way up the problem, brings back fond memories of myself some years back. May your self belief never waver. And don't stop looking for that one hardest move.

To Mr Aaron Ng
I've walked a little bit of the way with you on your journey of Tantrum. To say the route is tough is an understatement. I know, I've tried. I've watched you get repeatedly shut down by the route, despite your best efforts. Yet, you share beta without hesitation with new aspirants. You've engram-ed the moves so perfectly that your redpoint attempts have become mesmerizing to watch. A maelstrom of speed and precision. I really wish for you to send that route soon. Surpass the negativity of anxiety, frustrations, exasperation, depression. You are greater than that.

To Mr Winfred Goh
When you finished ASP first, I was so happy for you. I could feel your elation, I could sense your relief. I know, I trekked there with you everyday, belaying you on your attempts, watching you painstakingly work out the beta. We got shut out by the weather, by the rising tides, by diminishing supply of fingertip skin. But you've already made up your mind. The route must go. And the body will follow. The obsession has sunk in and pressure was mounting. You can even easily recall the number of moves - 23 hand and 35 feet movements. Following your successful send, I somehow managed to clip the chains too. You thoughtfully lowered me unhurriedly to the ground, as if letting me soak up that intoxicating sweetness. You extended your hand with a firm handshake, I took it up and returned it with heartfelt gratitude. Task accomplished. Between 2 men on a mission, nothing more needs to be said.

To Mr Hwa Soong Yi
11 routes over 2 days was only possible because of you. The second day was especially trying, what with five 30m grade 7 routes. That adds up to about 150m of hard climbing! Your willingness to trek to the toughest crags, to belay off dodgy ledges, to free solo routes with insanely high first bolts, to exploit cheeky hands-free positions, is nothing short of amazing. There was something in the Captain America movie about waiting for the right partner. I'm lucky you came along (on crutches hobbling down the beach no less) But no backside poking please. I went up GillesNoLimits on Cat Wall, expelling old demons in the process. Previously I was so intimidated by the route. But this time, with your encouragement, I've surpassed that irrational fear. Bro, hard multi-pitches next?

*The author is not as talented as his friends. Since he cannot crank down hard like they can, he resigns to being a scribe, writing down their remarkable stories, for all to read.

The Intelligent Climber

2011-07-20T13:10:00.020+08:00

Senior Associate Director (SAD) Intern Ko ended his internship last Friday and with that, a heavy load was lifted off his shoulders.

He has seen much, heard a lot and learned plenty. A friend posted the question as to whether Intern Ko loved his internship. The question was posited in a smirking sort of way, as if from high horse, deriding those poor servitiles who lack courage and unquestioning conviction (or passion) to do whatever 'makes them happy'. Perhaps the questioner was half expecting Intern Ko to supply him a pained 'I hate my life and I would rather be climbing' answer.

Closing his eyes, he gave the question some thought. When the knot around his forehead eased and the eyelids unfastened themselves, the answer was clear. "I don't love my job, but I like it. It provides me with opportunities to learn, to become a contributing member of that industry. Nobody else would bother to teach me otherwise."

All those resumes Intern Ko sent out writing about how he has no prior experience but is humble and willing to learn, that he is willing to put in those extra hours if necessary, blah blah? He laughs at himself now. What naivety. The sad truth is that no company is willing to take in someone without experience and train him up from scratch. Employers want their recruits to be able to hit the ground running. Intern Ko has little prior experience. Neither does he have any strings to pull. Even if the latter option was available to him, he would detest to exercise it, for he thinks himself a principled man.

Intern Ko is inquisitive. He went around asking his colleagues whether they liked their jobs. He received a plethora of replies, ranging from the "Sheesh I can't wait for the day to end" to the "I want to climb the ladder quickly" responses. Of these replies, one was particularly memorable. In fact, it was more than that. It was epic, mind-numbing and enlightening. It certainly taught him a thing or two about life. The grizzled, battle-hardened veteran (construction industry) of some 20 years replied, "This is my job. There is no like or don't like. I've got 2 young children to feed".

Intern Ko finds it funny that some people think passion is about adorning it proudly on their chests and shouting about it. It is immensely amusing how it has recently become fashionable for passion to take center-stage and for sustainability to be shuttled to the back. Should it turn out that a majority of people concur that the frivolous and idealistic pursuit of passion is the proper way to go about doing things, then he must agree to disagree. He thinks that passion is not about recklessly throwing oneself into any endeavour without having done due diligence first. Passion is to be suffered for.

Intern Ko wonders if you have read the news recently. Did the news of an ex top Chinese gymnast forced to theft/buskering on the streets to earn a living, because he was unceremoniously dropped from the national team when he injured his tendon, shock you? Will the study revealing that ex top athletes being forced to meager existences following their illustrious careers, because their art has little transferability to the real world, scare you? He provides the example of an Olympic decathlon gold medallist, who could only find employment as a postman following his no-doubt remarkable career. There have also been reports of some even resorting to selling prized medals to eke out the green stuff when the going gets tough. Closer to home, superstar P's day job is an environmental officer - he checks train hygiene for a living. Intern Ko is not trying to pour frigid, dampening water on the blazing, indomitable dreams of his peers. But he urges them to exercise caution. Live the dream, but beware the consequences.

Intern Ko had a class gathering recently. At 24 years of age, some of his friends are growing up into fine young men. Already now the differences are becoming apparent. Some are scholarship holders, some started their own businesses, some already have the ability to provide for themselves. He may find it easy to holler about his passion now, but what about in 20 years' time? Imagine then, he sees his friends holding down successful careers, with happy, wholesome families. Will he still dare sit in that circle with other established businessmen/professionals, having nothing to his name yet still have that same school-boy conviction to preach about having fun at the expense of all else?

He doesn't know.

P.S. The title is taken after that of a book by Benjamin Graham, "The Intelligent Investor", which (Ex) Intern Ko is particularly fond of. A counsel of soundness, a recommendation of conservativeness, advice to employ judgement. And heh. They say imitation is the best form of flattery.

說好的幸福呢?

2011-07-07T23:50:00.002+08:00

怎麽了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了

Cynicism

2011-07-03T10:52:00.015+08:00

Step 1: Understanding

Working in an office, while conceived to be a dull and dreary activity by some, has interesting moments. More precisely, there are moments of revelation where you go, "Ahhh.. Now I see.."

I've had the privilege of observing, albeit from afar, an assortment of sales teams. They (in their various capacities with the investment, commercial, residential and industrial segments) work tirelessly to close deals.

The world of closing deals is a zero sum game. I win or you lose. There is no grey area. There is only have or have-not, has or has-been. I've watched a colleague working hard to close a deal (sale of a commercial property) for close to 2 years, only to have it snatched from him right under his nose. Needless to say, he was in a foul mood the entire morning. Eyes flashing and the veins at his temples pulsing, he looked ready to snap at the slightest provocation. I could sense his stormy aura a mile away. But by afternoon, he's already licked his wounds and gearing up for the next big deal.

Job Title: Competitive Competition Competitor

Perhaps no one can express the exasperation, frustration and angst better than Jon, second placed competitor for the Azimuth Hang Challenge. "6 hours of torture and nothing to show for it". This gutsy dude had the verve to bite the tile in a desperate bid to not let go. He wanted to win that badly. Dear Sir, I salute your audacity. For what it's worth, I would also like to say, "Try harder next time". But I know that he, like me, has little use for petty words of consolation. That we do not say such things to each other is a testament to our friendship.

It's so obvious to see. Typically they plod along as they walk, but when they seal the deal, they prance about with a little skip in their steps. Before is a customary stiff disposition and a stern countenance, after yields a distinguishable swagger and an uncharacteristic grin. They issue press releases about it (the adult version of bragging).

The one conclusion that I've drawn from my observations, is that the 'It's okay to fail. It's not about the results, it's all about the process/journey' is a lie told by teachers to school children. In the business world, there is no such moddle-coddlying. Companies have to answer to their shareholders, and this necessarily makes them profit-driven. There is little room for error. To put it harshly, 'it's the journey, not the result' may well just be a convenient front the failures seek refuge behind.

Shouldn't there be some reward for effort?

Some tangible form of reward for those people who toil, sweat and slave? When I voiced my idealism to a senior in the company, he replied curtly, "This is a result-oriented society. Deal with it." In the world of sales, it's all about the results. I wonder why - what with commissions and promotions tied to it. What value-add do you bring to the company? Get revenue or get out.

It's a harsh world. Grow up Jansen.

若是英雄怎麼能　不懂寂寞 If you claim to be a hero, how can you not understand loneliness?
- Lin Jun Jie (曹操) (Cao Cao)

To Touch a Stranger

2011-06-22T21:46:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, I wonder if my demeanour is optimal for someone who is supposed to be a somewhat of a spokesperson for ClimbAsia. I wonder if someone more expressive will be more suitable. I just feel compelled to clarify any potential skeletons in the closet, in much the same way an inquisitive child asks his mother why the sky is blue or why the girls are pretty.

Lets start with my ideal of a perfect sponsored athlete. He is a person with boyish good looks, an outgoing and bubbly personality, the person who sends when everyone else falls. He would be the perfect ambassador, with soft skills to make fans swoon and hard skills to make rocks crumble. Unfortunately, in all of the above criteria, I fall short. Some people think me stodgy. Some people think me to be aloof, or even go as far as to call me arrogant, because of my reluctance to partake in what I perceive as mindless chatter. And I certainly take a whipper just like any other climber on a hard route. Others think me to be boring, otherwise why else would he choose to intern away his holidays when he can go for long climbing trips?

You see.. My time is limited, so when I get down to the gym, it's all about training. I want to improve so badly I drive myself crazy thinking about it. Not stopping to exchange pleasantries, while no doubt objectionable, is just one of my adaptations. I make no apologies for it.

You see.. I am perfectly capable of small talk. In fact, the aunties at the office love me for it. I can small talk till the cows come home, but I have better things to do with my time. My nature to be more serious, to think before I speak, is shaped by my upbringing. And I make no apologies for it.

Despite my strong-headedness, I question myself all the time. My motivations, the basis for my actions.. are they sound? Is my stoicism, my persistence in being who I am, turning some people off? Which is why I'm so gratified that two Sundays ago, a totally random stranger bumped into me, and commended me for my (sic) 'amazing climbing'. The following conversation transpired..

Me: Sees Stranger and mustered a pleasant smile
Stranger: I saw you climbing (at the high wall) earlier.. Your climbing is amazing!
Me: Erm.. Thanks! (wide smile)(in a small voice)(heart set a flutter)
Stranger: You're Jansen right?
Me: Yeah..
Stranger: I saw your dyno at BoulderActive, it was damn good!
Me: Heh..
*he continued to ask me about climbing and performance, climbing injuries and how to deal with them, to which I answered to the best of my ability. After all, how can you not take to someone who has just sent you to the highest heaven?

Some random person outside my social circle coming up to personally tell me he appreciates my climbing. Talk about being inspired. Now, I'm even more resolved to stick with what has become a defining part of what makes me, me - unassuming, nonchalant yet fiercely determined.

ClimbAsia Athlete Duty - Introductory Interview

2011-06-16T23:59:00.003+08:00

We know how important it is to keep your cool during climbing. Hesitation or agitation will distract you from executing a move perfectly. Trying to rush changing feet is another method of inviting failure. For those of you who know Jansen Ko personally and have seen him climb, you would know this brainy and cool climber is the epitome of control and decisiveness. This week, Rock Jock finds out from our new Team Climb Asia athlete Jansen what makes him tick and how we can become the Zen master that he is.

GT2: Hello Great Zen Master Jansen! A big welcome to Team Climb Asia! Care to share with us a little bit about yourself?

Jansen: I wear different hats: a child to my parents, a brother to my siblings, a student to my teachers, a coach to my students, and others. I present different bits of myself to different people, so which bit of myself would you like to know? Thought that I can finally pursue higher learning in university, but ironically education is getting in the way. Luckily, there is climbing to keep me sane.

GT2: Oh studying...less time to climb is never good! Is there anything interesting about yourself that doesn’t involve climbing! Climbers can be such boring people cos all they do is climb and talk and dream about climbing.

Jansen: I’m quite the foodie, especially for hawker fare. Old hawker centres have a lot of history and character. At the recommendation of friends, I will specially travel to some hidden corner of Singapore to suss out the good eats. I feel very at home jostling for a seat in a hawker centre and ordering food in Singlish. Some climbers may adhere to special diets, but I have no inhibitions towards eating local delights like Char Kuay Teow, Mee Rebus or Nasi Lemak, in moderation of course!

GT2: Our local delicacies are probably the reason why Singaporean climbers can stick to the grimiest holds in the universe. Haha! Moving on, so what is it about Climb Asia that made you agree to be our sponsored athlete? What do you hope to contribute by being in Team Climb Asia?

Jansen: A very big part behind the success of any venture is the story it tells. I love the ClimbAsia story, of 3 friends, who at the crossroads of their lives, came together to pursue a shared dream. Their efforts made that dream become reality, and provided a generation of climbers with the inspiration to climb hard. Such a heart-warming story don’t you think? I’m very honoured to have been offered this opportunity to learn and grow with Climb Asia. To fly the Climb Asia flag proudly on my back, that is how I hope to contribute!

GT2: And now for a boring question that every climber asks every other climber: What do you love about climbing and which aspect would you say is the one that most relates to you?

Jansen: Climbing is one entire package of travelling, seeing, learning, trying, understanding, growing. Having sampled a plethora of experiences across the climbing spectrum, I can say this with confidence: I love climbing for its intensity. I do climbing simply because it is difficult. At higher levels, it becomes a form of moving mediation – entering the zone and just letting your instincts take over. You learn so much about yourself that way. Having said that, I also enjoy the company of friends and winding down together after a day outdoors.

GT2: We know you as a very technical climber with composure that will put a Zen Buddhist monk to shame. What goes on in that mind of yours when it is you against the route?

Jansen: I think that composure wise, I still have quite some way to go. I do however, try to master my emotions by learning from the experiences of sportspeople not only in climbing, but in other sports as well. What separates the top climbers from everyone else, is a lack of ego. If you observe carefully, top climbers are nonchalant about their accomplishments. I’m very attracted to the humility, and I want to emulate that.But if you must really know the secret formula, the trick is look aloof and dispassionate on the outside while actually screaming inside!

When I’m on a route, all I think about is how to meld my body into the weaknesses of the rock, to flow across the movements, to persuade the route to allow one more climber to reach its crown.

GT2: Being a busy student, have there been times when you felt it was hard to maintain your high standards of climbing? What methods do you have to motivate yourself to train hard amidst the studying?

Jansen: It is certainly not easy to juggle the demands of school and climbing. Just this semester, I had 6 projects, on top of the usual workload of lectures, tutorials, assignments and presentations. But nothing great is ever achieved without hard work. Knowing that fellow human beings in third-world countries have it much worse serves as a good way to chide myself when I feel tempted to give up. Most importantly, nobody owes me a living. Carpe Diem!

Amidst all the hustle and bustle, I plan a programme for myself and stick to it. When I get down to the gym, it’s all business. Of course, during off-peak periods I like to share, talk and laugh just like everyone else.

GT2: Pumpfest is coming! Can you share with us how you are preparing for the competition?

Jansen: I’m currently doing endurance (build solid foundation) and strength training (muscle hypertrophy). Nearer the competition, I’ll switch to more power-based training (campusing, hard bouldering). I’ll also do competition specific training like bouldering intervals. Not forgetting mental training (onsighting and visualisation) too.

GT2: Any advice for the climbers who will be joining Pumpfest?

Jansen: Live the crowd, enjoy the competition.

The climber must first acknowledge that some nervousness is good. It is the body’s way of raising heartbeat and pumping adrenaline to prepare you for the tasks ahead. But too much nervousness can cripple the climber. I find that a very useful thought is to think that I’m a dancer about to take the stage - the culmination of all the effort from months before is on display. I feel very proud to be able to perform for all to see.

GT2: And we can't wait to catch you in action at Pumpfest 2011! Ladies and gentlemen, that's Team Climb Asia athlete Jansen Ko for you! Remember to head down to Millenia Walk on 4th June to watch him tear the routes apart at the Open Men qualifiers. Your cheers will be a great encouragement to him and our other athletes!

Old Pieces of Writing - Just A Statement of Fact

2011-06-16T23:55:00.002+08:00

*Written for Edged on Oct 2010

At the recently concluded SIM Bouldering Championships, some random insight struck me, which I hope to share here.

I’ve been qualifying for Mens Open Finals for like the past 2 years now, consistently for almost every competition. Good enough to qualify, but not good enough to make the podium. Regardless, being able to qualify for the finals has become a rather uncanny ability. No matter if I had to endure the stress of projects and assignments breathing down my throat in weeks past, no matter if I did not sleep properly the night before. Slip in to the finals by a hair’s breadth I somehow manage to.

I didn’t manage to qualify for this competition.

Every competitor knows that there are good days and bad days. Your body cannot be performing at its peak all the time, so you have to periodize your training in order to hem in that optimal level for the competition season. The competitors’ holy grail – making sure your good day coincides with your competition day – is highly sought after. Inevitably, there are days where poor performance becomes an issue. Understanding this, I wasn’t too bothered on failing to make the finals.

Amusingly, when friends asked me how I did for the qualifiers, to which I replied I didn’t make the cut, almost instantaneously, some ‘console-this-dude-if-he-fails-to-qualify’ switch gets flipped on in their brains. They typically launch into a lengthy but well-meaning tirade about how I shouldn’t feel so bad; how competitions aren’t everything there is to rock climbing; how further opportunities abound, and the like. It is quite funny actually – like watching a tape put on rewind, except you didn’t press the rewind button.

Look here. When I say the (almost blasphemous, considering the reaction) words I didn’t qualify, it is simply a statement of fact. No negative emotion, unhappy feelings, suicidal tendencies, or whatsoever, is embedded within. Let me spell it out for you, the proper way to interpret the line is “You didn’t qualify. FULLSTOP”. I cannot emphasize the fullstop enough.

Some people feel a need to proclaim on social media platforms their failure in the undertaking, musing whether to quit climbing, eliciting “WHAT? NO!” responses, seeking reassurances from friends that they’re fine climbers, and revel in that fuzzy warm feeling of being wrapped tightly in that sense of security. I however, do not have such a need. I recognize that on the occasion, I failed to make the cut.

Basically, I see things for what they are. This is a competition – the best man wins. The time spent complaining or living in denial can be better put to reflection, and clinical training. If I had cried my eyes out or got all emotional for every competition I failed to make the finals (the number is quite significant given my ability, or lack thereof), you’ll be seeing a rather shriveled specimen (Jansenes Petrificus Totalis!) now.

Being objective or just being plain rude? Heh. You decide.

Old Pieces of Writing - Memoirs of a Chief Route Setter

2011-06-16T23:53:00.004+08:00

*Written for Edged on Sept 2010

Big Shoes to Fill

Awww come on Jansen! Just one small competition and you think you’re qualified to write a ‘Memoirs of a Chief Route Setter’? You must be kidding me! At least a few more route setting jobs under your belt first before attempting to write a topic as vast as such?

One Thing Leads to Another

For those unaware, I was appointed as the Chief Route Setter (CRS) for the recently concluded ClimbNus10. Initially, I was asked to be the CRS for the carnival only. I agreed after some thought. On hindsight, my thought process must be really screwed to accept this underpaid (zero pay in fact) and overworked job. Perhaps I find it difficult to refuse a lady. Or perhaps I was itching for a challenge. Whatever the reason, I accepted the position. Lo and behold, it was the promise that sealed my fate. Soon after, the committee decided to host an invitationals over the weekend. The responsibility was trebled. 16 routes ballooned to 40. Setting for a competition is a whole different ball game from setting for a carnival. Sucked into this vortex, it was too late to pull myself free now. Take it like a man, my gung-ho friends would say. Grit your teeth and soldier on! Sometimes, I wish I could just be a wuss..

Prior to the start of the routesetting on Saturday (the event was on Sunday), I painstakingly drew out the front and side profiles of each wall, including detailing the position of each bolt hole. I begged requested for volunteers and organized them into time frames for each category. Bearing in mind the need to set 24 routes within the day, delay in the routesetting for any one category will snowball in the others. The time of volunteers who arrived punctually will be wasted, and having been a victim of this on several occasions, I endeavored to make sure this didn’t happen. Not on my watch. Reminders were sent out, checklists were put up.

The Impossible may well be Possible..

That Saturday was also the day where I almost lost my temper. A friend who has known me for a long time remarked incredulously, You? Lose your temper? That’s impossible! However, volunteers who came late, volunteers who dropped a cursory sms at the eleventh hour saying he/she could not make it and asking whether I still needed help, volunteers who took ages to put up their draft route and resisted suggestions, among others, gnawed at my patience. Am I too demanding, or do some people just need to work on their sense of responsibility?

A Happy Ending

It wasn’t all bad though. There were gems. I especially enjoyed setting with the team that put up the Open circuit. Each routesetter was experienced, efficient and brimming with ideas. We put up the routes quickly and had ample time to test each other’s routes. These efforts culminated in the visually entertaining Open event. Members of the audience have come up to tell me it was a joy to watch. It was gratifying to receive praise, because more often than not, when the routes are good nobody notices, but when the routes are just slightly off-the-mark everybody has something to say. The average layman suddenly morphs into a routesetting guru. The criticism is often harsh, in-your-face and cuts like a blade. The stress of it all hung like a dark cloud over my head.

Thankfully, routesetting-wise, the competition proceeded smoothly. The participants were filtered out nicely (with the exception of Novice Women, sorry!), the routes werent so traumatising such that majority of the competitors wanted to quit climbing after the competition, but yet were tough enough to separate the field. Nobody got injured doing crazy moves, although I suspect this is more due to excellent spotters than prudent routesetting.

Rest for the Weary

Now that the event is over, I can finally rest easy and catch up on lost sleep. Muscles aching, joints tweaky and emotionally drained, a break from all that is akin to cool water on parched lips.

Routesetting VS Competing

A peculiar question surfaced. Do I take delight in setting deviously tricky routes for the competitors to work around (as a routesetter) or do I revel in the willing my body to overcome the problems (as a competitor) more? The answer is really quite simple. At least for the time being, I’m still a competitor at heart. My place should be standing shoulder-to-shoulder alongside other competitors, not donning a routesetter cap hunched over route plans. Pitting my prowess against other athletes and gunning for victory is more my cup of tea; mulling over whether a route is set successfully can wait till my bones age. Am just glad to have looked through the lenses of both perspectives, and became less ignorant as a result.

CRS: One time only, no encore?

Old Pieces of Writing - A Spot of Investigative Journalism

2011-06-16T23:53:00.003+08:00

*Written for Edged in July 2010

Disclaimer

From the very outset, I must make my intentions clear. My intentions are neither to smear the reputation of any organisation nor to launch into an accusatory finger-pointing tirade. It is fair however, to seek some form of accountability.

The Main Grouse

NSSCC REGISTRATION FORM (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

For NSSCC 10 which happened earlier this April, our national sportclimbing body the Singapore Mountaineering Federation (SMF), put a statement into the registration form. Stated clearly under the prizes section is a line specifying that they would be selecting the division champions to represent Singapore in the Asia Youth Cup, scheduled for July 2010 in Indonesia. In this local sports news website, the same was reported. July has come and past, but there has been no news from the SMF front.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf?

Has the competition happened but for some reason our young athletes were not sent there? Did the competition fail to materialise, and if so, why aren’t our young athletes informed? No formal reason is provided by our governing body, so it would be unwarranted to blame anyone for wildly speculating.

Unless we’re living in a society with some radically different societal norms, promises made are expected to be kept. Broken promises damage the credibility of the people (or in this case, organisation) that made it.

Here, I must emphasize that I’m not accusing SMF of lying. That would be too harsh. No matter how contrived the end result may seem, it must have originated from a well-meaning starting point. Or has it? Once again, without clarification from the relevant party, I can only speculate.

The Climber’s Voice

To provide a more balanced view of this situation, I’ve tracked down the division champions, and also a teacher-in-charge of students who have won, to hear what they have to say. Speaking on the condition of anonymity, they provided me with their perspective on the matter.

NEWSPAPER CLIP ON ST (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Mr Kong (fake name, any resemblance to person or persons are sorely regretted), a teacher from a school here, says that “Since the competition ended in April, I’ve yet to receive any news from SMF. When approached, some officials appear to be clueless about the competition details. I’ve since told my students not to put in too hope into thinking they can go for the competition.”

Mr Hee (fake name, any resemblance to person or persons are sorely regretted), a student from a junior college here, commented “I thought that since I’ve won the competition, SMF will keep their promise and send me overseas to compete. I waited in anticipation, but the news never came.”

In this newspaper article, a secondary 4 student is described as being jubilant at winning. He says that no doubt the Asian competition will be tough, but he’s going to be prepared for it. He plans to double his current training to 4 times weekly in preparation for the challenge. How will he feel now given such a turn of events, the misgivings compounded by a conspicuous lack of open, readily-available information?

Too Difficult a Moral Choice?

Stand by waiting for someone else to voice out this glaring unfairness, or stand up and demand accountability. It’s your choice. How about a “I would like accountability in our National Sporting Association” in the comments section to show some love?

Is doing nothing as good agreeing with their actions?

Old Pieces of Writing - Unweaving the Rainbow

2011-06-16T23:49:00.002+08:00

*Written for Edged in June 2010

In this blog post, Nalle Hukkataival discusses his excitement at having found a project in his backyard. By the sounds of it, the project may well be impossible.

PSYCHED!

Some Excerpts from Nalle’s Blog

“after 4 sessions on it, i managed to do a single move..”

“that one move i’ve been able to do is the first one and it is most likely the easiest one..”

“..hold a position for a spilt second, not even feeling remotely close to being able to move any part of my body”

Just Imagine

When imagining the magnitude of the difficulty, I find myself tingling with anticipation. Inadvertently, the sweat glands in my palms started gushing. This must be one hell of a sick-ass hard problem. Soon after the quiet realization dawned in. Actually, difficulty per se is of secondary importance. Look at it this way: It doesn’t matter what the grade of the problem is. Regardless of whether you are a professional athlete or a newbie climber, the feelings of trying out a problem beyond your current ability is the same. You feel like every fibre in your body is screaming for rest; you deal with sentiments of frustration, maybe anger, sometimes dejection. Often, such intertwining emotions lead to one finality – you are tempted to give up.

What Makes a Pro

What separates the man from the boys, or in case, the pros from the newbies, is a positive mentality. When one believes something to be possible, some switch in the brain is turned on. That positivity brings about a change almost instantaneously – the lightness of each step, the clarity with which you see, the tenacity to rebel against your fate. That positivity permeates every aspect of your life, not just climbing.

It is inspiring to see Nalle putting in that effort to attempt to send the problem, even though it may well be impossible. No doubt, critics will implore him to give up, or shake their heads at this effort in futility. But remember: nothing great is ever accomplished by the critic. Great works are done by the man who goes out to do it.

Perils of Instant Gratification

Coincidentally, I chanced upon the entry just as I was lamenting the state of affairs in the Singapore climbing scene. Nowadays, the virtues of hard work and delayed gratification are no longer fashionable. The good old days of setting a problem, trying it repeatedly and not “being able to move on” until finally sending it have all but become a fading memory. Instead, climbers of today revel in instant gratification. I seldom see or hear of young climbers setting a long-term project, throwing themselves against it for months on end, and then finally surmounting it. More common than not, jumping on a new problem each time at the gym and chucking that old “impossible” problem at the back of the mind is the case.

Of course, there are merits associated with trying a different route every time. The new climber is engram-med with a plethora of moves, picking up techniques like twisting/drop knee/sitting in quickly. Admittedly, the pace of learning is accelerated. However, another force, perhaps of a slightly insidious nature, is at play here. The problem: the climber becomes attracted to quick rewards, doing problems that are easy to complete. Ultimately, he gains nothing much out of the entire exercise except a momentary sense of happiness. The costs appear to outweigh the benefits – this point is explored in greater detail below.

Unweaving the Rainbow

What is attractive about projects is the richness of emotions associated with seeing through the project, from its inception to its completion. Starting from the awe induced by standing below the seemingly unfathomable line, to the gung-ho initial attempts pitting your entire might against it, to slowly and painstakingly working out the sequences of the entire route, to the frustrations at not being able to push past hard sections, to the sinking realization that the project might well be impossible. And finally, when sending the project, being flushed with wild exuberance and drowned in immense satisfaction. Then, leaving with quiet contentment.

Wouldn’t you agree that these emotions are more vivid and more effective in shaping personal development, as opposed to one fleeting moment of happiness?

THE AUTHOR'S PROJECT, WHICH TOOK HIM 3 TRIPS TO SEND - MORE AN INDICATOR OF HIS LACK OF ABILITY THAN OF PERSEVERANCE. LUCKILY FOR HIM, HARD WORK PAID OFF.

So go forth, find your projects.

PS: I apologize for shamelessly putting up the one picture I thought was relevant. Pardon me, for I am new to this business of putting up pictures onto blogs. Am doing this ‘picture’ thing at the behest of my boss, who thinks pictures do a better job of engaging audiences than words.

Random Conversation at Work II

2011-06-15T23:14:00.004+08:00

Female Colleague: Hey Jansen, how heavy are you?

Me: Pause.. Anticipate and dread the eventual response.. Take a deep breath.. Erm.. after dinner I'm usually about 50kg

Female Colleague: *announces to the entire office* Hey Jansen only weighs 50kg! Lighter than me leh!

Another Female Colleague: You dont tell me I also know loh. I see his arms so small.. So scrawny..
Me: Sighhh..

Random Conversations at Work

2011-06-13T19:09:00.013+08:00

*insert random conversation about how I'm doing in school, and how many years of education left to go

Auntie: So you haven't done your NS yet lah?!

Me: *silent for a while* I've not only done my NS, I've went for 3 reservists already..

Auntie: Huh? But you look so young.. and your complexion so fair.. like a girl

Me: *lost for words*

*after lunch time, when your stomach is pretty much bloated

Auntie: Boy arh, come come.. eat more.. eat this snack, and that snack..

Me: No no, since the 1 month that I've joined the company, I've grown a belly already..

Auntie: *incredulous look* No no you so skinny, eat more eat more.. You so small size girls dont like one. I just bought this muffin, very nice, you must eat (voice raised by several decibels)!

*Forcibly shoves the muffin onto my table..

Me: Sigh..

Updates from Shenton Way

2011-05-29T22:49:00.020+08:00

A Fight to get My Ass to Work

I've always thought that I have the smarts to perform decently in the corporate world. Instead of taking the so-called 'easier option' and opting for a career in coaching/teaching, I should first test myself in the fast-paced business environment. Note that I've put the possibly offensive phrase in approstophy, indicating that while it may be the opinion of some people, it certainly isn't mine. Let's leave the debate as to which is tougher for other people, shall we?

A Day in the Life of a Typical White-Collared Worker

Initially, it was really painful process. My body clock, accustomed to sleeping late and waking up even later, underwent a rude shock while readjusting. The entire process of dragging my body to work and then continually abusing my brain throughout the duration of the day left me haggard. After work I was mentally exhausted, reaching the climbing gym looking like a zombie. It was necessary to stone for 30 minutes before even reaching to extricate my rock shoes from my bag. That time spent staring into space is crucial for clawing some form of sanity back. Truth be told, I wasn't expecting myself to be so drained.

When I first started out, I resented being made to do mundane tasks like data collection and compilation. Perhaps I did a decently good job, because after a while, my superiors starting entrusting me to harder tasks. I snooped around a bit before it dawned on me that some of my work is going into some consultancy reports, of which they charge their clients upwards of several tens of thousands for. A sense of pride swelled up inside. My ego purred. They really trust me! I've also started to see the big picture of how everything comes together, that it is in fact a factory line process right from data collection to data analysis to providing recommendations. A report is only as good as its weakest link, and I certainly do not wish to be that crumb which made the cookie crumble.

Foreign Talent

I am especially impressed with my superior who is from the PRC. When asking requests of me (the shitty bothersome intern), she begins her sentences with Sorry Jansen.. Can you please help.. After I get the job done, she thanks me profusely. Academic wise, she is highly qualified. If a Ph.D and a CFA 2 doesn't count as being qualified, I don't know what does. One might think that with such credentials, she would probably be ivory tower material, or worse, a snobbish personality.

The most amazing thing about her is that despite her sparkling credentials, she has absolutely no airs about her. Nope. Nothing. None at all. Once, after realising that she has made a silly mistake, she laughed at herself. In her slightly wheezy voice, she said, I think I studied too much, got permanent head damage (Ph.D) now. The colleagues in the surrounding tables burst out into laughter. I laughed along too. But on hindsight, an untested undergraduate like myself has no place laughing at someone like her.

She is in the office before 830am and leaves way past 6pm. In fact, I don't even know when she leaves the office. She has no qualms about going back on weekends to tie up any loose ends. My mentality when I started out was that I am going to leave at 6pm on the dot. After all, why stay beyond if you are not going to be remunerated accordingly? After seeing her work ethic, I told myself that maybe 615pm is fine. Soon, it became 630pm. Now, I only leave the office when I've completed all the tasks assigned to me. Such is the inspiration she provides.

Others may not consider this zealousness to be positive work ethic. They may think her to be a workaholic. They may think she does not have work-life balance. But I beg to differ. I think the reason for her single-mindedness is because she takes immense pride in her work.

This is despite her having a 15 month old child waiting for her attention at home. She did not take maternity leave. Heck, does she even take annual leave? Yet she shoulders on, putting in the extra hours now so that she can provide a better life for her child in the future.

I don't understand why certain Singaporeans are so anti-foreign talent. At opposition rallies, such people even chant about kicking out foreigners, without realising that Singapore's economy is heavily dependent on the maintenance of our export competitiveness. Is it not plain to see that if you kick out foreigners who value add to the company, you eventually shoot yourself in the foot later?

Moods fanned to a fever pitch. Tensions run wild. Petty emotions over-ride logic. They turn into a mob, deriding foreigners as if the foreigners are some alien entity incapable of feelings. Hello? Aren't these people human too? Laughable. Honestly, if I were the employer, I have no qualms of giving the job to a foreigner of her calibre, rather than some local whose best response is to whine.

Little Intern Ko still has much to learn. He finds it highly ironical that much of that learning is from a foreign talent, whom some of his fellow countrymen despise.

Little Intern Ko

2011-05-22T12:21:00.018+08:00

I apologise for the dearth of updates recently.

The stress of the entire academic semester took a turn for the worse in the hectic project submissions and presentations week. This semester was especially trying, what with 6 projects, on top of the usual schooling workload. I didn't get to climb as much as I would have liked, but I make do.

Like a cascading avalanche feeding into itself and growing exponentially more fearsome, all the work from the preceding weeks piled up into the last week of school. The avalanche had snowballed, accumulating material and gathering speed. It was only a matter of time before it slammed into something. BOOM! Its tremendous force surged against a granite boulder, splintering its base with a sickening crack. The boulder lurched forward, but as if resisting its destiny, it teetered back by the force of ts own weight. It leered back and forth, before finally settling. But the damage had been done. It was hanging precariously on the edge of a sheer precipice. As if the draft generated from the flap of an eagle's wings several miles overhead would provide the impetus to tip the boulder over the edge and send it spiraling into the abyss, its fate was uncertain.

The thunderous episode gave way to a deafening silence.

The final week of school has eased into Reading Week - a one week Study Break. Do not let the words 'Study Break' lull you into a false sense of security. The words merely deceive you into thinking that you can heal up before facing the final hurdle. Do not be had, for it is the calm before the storm, just like that boulder perched on the knife's edge. Any false move would result in disastrous consequences. There is no rest for the weary. Instead, you are supposed to continue holding your breath, and shoulder on, just like the boulder forever opposing whatever the mountain throws at it.

Coffee, snacks and late nights are a student's best weapons against the unfathomable beast that is exams. But no matter the preparations, the lecturer can easily throw a monkey spanner in even the best laid out exam strategies by setting a paper in which the examinee flips open the first page and go HUH? Looking around the exam hall, you realise that almost everyone else has the same blank looks etched onto their faces. You heave sigh of relief and start to ease up. You even smile to yourself slightly. Ah hah.. Since we're all on a level playing field, I might as well write according to instinct..

After the exams were over I made a short climbing trip up to Malaysia. This trip is a well deserved break (this is how the word should be used) from school. In view of the upcoming ClimbX competition, I took the chance to work on my endurance. Fitness chapped and chipped by the ravages of school, I was immensely pleased that I managed to redpoint Affenhausen, 7c in Ipoh. The route was put up by Team Mammut when they headed down for a bolting expedition about 4 years back. I had made several trips up previously in anticipation of sending the route, but each time new challenges (in the form of a new crux section, rain, poor endurance) kept me from the ascent.

Now that I've finally cast aside the chains holding me from overcoming the route, I want to put up a picture in celebration of the occasion. The picture would preferably be one of me on the crux section, wearing an intense look, with rippling muscles to boot. Alas my girlfriend only managed to capture a picture of me resting at the mid section part (after the crux). It wasn't a very flattering photo. At best it cut me as a frail figure, squeezing into the weakness of the rock and gasping for oxygen. I think she was more interested in capturing that super-mesmerizing-shot-of-a-lotus-flower while I was climbing. Granted, perhaps pretty flowers are more exciting than boring boys who emulate monkeys. Or perhaps I so clumsily scrambled up the triple stalactite section on the roof such that she didn't perceive it to be all that difficult. I don't know. Perhaps I'm doomed never to understand girls and their idiosyncrasies.

When I clipped the chains and was lowered to the bottom, I eagerly anticipated the photos. Will I have decent shots of myself to present to my boss, Mr Seah? She loaded the memory card and showed me, with a glowing look in her eyes, of brilliant photos she took of that radiant lotus flower, in all its dazzling glory.

I am so sorry, for all I have to show for my journey of self discovery on this route (the finding, attempts, frustrations, fight, angst, satisfaction) is the following picture..

me on the rest section of Affenhausen (Austrian for Monkey House)
a sad depiction of an awesome route

But heh. No matter. There is little point in getting upset over the pictures she took, or the pictures she failed to take. It is the memory, of the time shared together, which is priceless.

The alchemy of lots of sleep and lots of climbing, without excessive cortisol, coalesced as a potent potion for my climbing form. Suddenly, I remembered how to climb all over again. Whispering into the deepest chambers of my body, I called for the form to return to its master's side. At the competition, I climbed as best as I could, eventually ending up going into finals as the 1st qualifier.

3 cheers for STS Warriors!

Going into the finals as the top qualifier, aka top dog/expected-to-win climber does put some stress on the climber. One could hear the ohhs and ahhs from the spectators in the isolation chair. The heart palpitated a tad faster. Veins throbbed. What? A disappointing ohhh from the audience for 3rd qualifier (and good climbing buddy) Yixiong? Huh? 2nd qualifier Jon (another climbing buddy) fell early? Distractions abound. Closing my eyes, I let the temporary darkness slide me back into focus. Breathe in.. and out.. I was slightly nervous going into the climb, but the moment I started moving my limbs, instinct took over. The hat sitting firmly on my head reminded me to love climbing, no matter the result. Everything else just fell into place..

ClimbX 2011: Winning at my alma mattar :)

ClimbX 2010: A decent result

starting on my internship at Savills Singapore

Posted to the Research and Consultancy unit. This internship is somewhat of a personal continuity of the internship I did last year at a property management company. I want to understand the different aspects of a real estate business (agency, valuation, sales, marketing and others). Little Intern Ko hopes to learn as much as possible!

Peter Parker

2011-05-15T20:30:00.003+08:00

ClimbX 2011 Champion today, Shenton Way ~~Corporate Ladder Climber~~ Office Drone tomorrow.

*Sarcastic remark to self: Congrats Jansen!

1984

2011-05-14T13:43:00.002+08:00

1984 is a novel by George Orwell. In it, he shared his vision of a totalitarian government, which subjected all their people to pervasive surveillance (telescreen shadowing you the entire day to scrutinise your every action, ThoughtPolice and extent to which they monitor even your thoughts) and incessant mind control (Newspeak to drastically reduce words in the English Language and hence limiting the range of human thought, Anti-Sex campaigns to re-direct the people's energies to wars and being stoked by government propaganda).

I thought it was an excellent read, which got even better upon chancing across a certain passage. The passage bears close resemblance to a previous phase of my life, when I scorned religion and spoke out vehemently against it. I read very deeply into the subject of religion, debating arguments for and against blind faith. I remained objective, reading works by authors on opposing sides. When I pointed out these arguments to some of my believer friends, I was almost amused to discover that they had no inkling of such discourse. It didn't matter to them. All that mattered was that they believed, and they shut all opposing opinions out, almost like the petulant little child who sticks his fingers into his ears and shuts his eyes upon learning that he has lost the argument.

The relevant portion is duly reproduced here:
In the ramifications of Party doctrine she had not the faintest interest. Whenever he began to talk of the principles of Ingsoc, doublethink, the mutability of the past and the denial of objective reality, and to use Newspeak words, she became bored and confused and said that she never paid any attention to that kind of thing... If he persisted in talking of such subjects, she had a disconcerting habit of falling asleep... In a way, the world-view of the Party imposed itself most successfully on people incapable of understanding it. They could be made to accept the most flagrant violations of reality, because they never fully grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them, and were not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what was happening. By lack of understanding they remained sane. They simply swallowed everything, and what they swallowed did them no harm, because it left no residue behind, just as a grain of corn will pass undigested through the body of a bird. (pg. 163)

I've since moved on from that phase of my life. Now I mostly prefer to speak when talked to, and voice my opinions when probed.

Separating Training from Play

2011-04-07T16:00:00.009+08:00

Sean Mccoll ranks as one of my favourite competition boulderers because he climbs smart (I know this from reading his blog). He is able to compete evenly against competitors much taller than him, or have greater spans that him, primarily because of excellent route reading skills and momentum-based movements. However, I am not writing this blog post because I want to discuss how well he climbs; rather, I found something he said which was strikingly similar to what I wrote about some time ago.

I believe that how well a person climbs is a function of his climbing philosophy. How well a person climbs in competitions though, is a function of his training methodology. In an interview with La Sportiva, Sean Mccoll said something about training which sounded strikingly similar to what I've mused about before: separating training from play. I like to think that I'm a person who adapts to the situation and tries his best to work with what is given to him. I am an university student working hard to secure a good degree (this entails doing well for projects and exams, doing internships during vacation periods, reading and learning from academic papers - ranked in order of importance), as well trying to climb hard (not mentioning other commitments). Because time is limited, when I get down to the gym it's all business. I'm convinced that structured, clinical and no-nonsense training is the way forward for time-starved people like myself. Anyways, YMMV.

I highlighted the phrases within the interview which are congruent with my views. Even though he's from Canada and I'm from Singapore and we didn't discuss our views, we arrived at quite the same conclusion. There is a similar phenomenon in biology called convergent evolution - two unrelated species independently evolve similar traits to cope with specific evolutionary challenges. The relevant paragraph is extracted and put up here for your reading pleasure (or displeasure).

What would you suggest for aspiring comp climbers to help improve their performance?

The best thing for aspiring comp climbers is to get in a really good routine. The hardest part about training is that not a lot of people like to do it alone. Pick a good core group of climbers that you’re going to train with and set up times that you’re going to meet. It’s basically what every Junior Climbing Team does at each respective climbing gym. I find it’s necessary to climb at least 3 days a week. While I’m in school, I’ll be going 2 days during the week for 3 hours and a training session on Sunday night for 4 hours. It’s also good to stay at training for at last 2.5 hours. Also, when you’re at training, it’s not the time to stand around and socialize with your friends. Sometimes when I’m at my gym, people think I’m kind of rude because I don’t stand around and talk. The bottom line is, I’m going to the climbing gym to train. I can still talk to people in between problems and during rest periods but when the time comes again, I’ll be getting back onto the wall. The best thing for climbers is to have consistency. You can’t train for 2 weeks and then take a week off, it doesn’t work that way. You have to be focused and determined. During the competition, you also can’t look at the rest of the field. In reality, it doesn’t matter if they climb 5.11 or 5.15, you just want to climb your best. If you fall off a route because you truly slipped or missed a hold, then that’s just a mistake. If you fall off a route because you were so pumped you couldn’t hold on, then you should be happy no matter what your final result is.

climbing quote

2011-04-05T04:04:00.003+08:00

So much wisdom distilled into this paragraph of words.. I must constantly chide myself to not forget.. to never forget..

Ultimately climbing is an experience-oriented activity, not achievement-oriented. It’s not how hard or high you climb, but how much you get out of climbing. While getting to the summit may be the goal, it’s the journey, experience, and self-discovery that hold the greatest value.
- Eric Horst

taken from http://www.sportiva.com/live/page.php?id=57&at=25

A Career in Coaching?

2011-04-01T00:36:00.007+08:00

A female friend commented that I've the makings of a good (rockclimbing) coach. Lamenting about how I can't even get my own climbing right, how then can I muster the gall to coach others? To this she countered that the best coaches aren't necessarily the best climbers. Stopping short of sounding like I'm afflicted with a bad case of confidence crisis, I put forth the argument that one must first achieve some level of competence before even considering helping others. What level of competence required is subject to interpretation and debate.

at SIM boulder comp with NUS novice girls in my capacity as a trainer (i've since relinquished the position)

Having contemplated this issue before, I had a ready answer. Almost mechanically, I replied that because climbing is an experience sport, it is requisite for one to be a good climber first before he can be a good coach. How else can you share that experience (be it climbing hard outdoors or competing at the highest level) in words/actions?

Good advice, when given concisely, is beneficial to the receiver. But poor advice, no matter how well-intentioned the giver, does more harm than good. However, being caught between the two courses of action may also lead to debilitating paralysis (I often find myself in this position). I don't know which is the right thing to do, but I do know that it takes a lot of wisdom to discern the difference, and even more wisdom to act on it.

Having said that, I agree that top climbers do not necessarily make top coaches. Some top climbers are reclusive and don't like to share, or simply can't convey their ideas in a persuasive/convincing/inspirational manner.

Let's turn to the mental skullduggery of philosophers to make sense of this whole dilemma (or become even more confused!):
(a) It is sufficient, but not necessary, to be a good climber before you can be a good rockclimbing coach.
(b) It is sufficient, and also necessary, to be a good climber before you can be a good rockclimbing coach.
(c) Being a good climber is sufficient for being a good rockclimbing coach.
(d) Being a good climber is necessary for being a good rockclimbing coach.
What is the correct answer?

Personally, I like coaching on an adhoc basis, but I'm unsure about making it my long term career. I have a friend who insists on not making his passion his job, for fear of it killing his passion. I've yet to find a definitive answer for myself, but there is time still. Would I want to test myself in the corporate world? Does the 'Those who can't do, teach' statement have any basis in fact?

So many questions.. so few answers.. I don't know many things, but I take comfort in the fact that one thing I know for sure: I'm still a silly little boy, groping around in the darkness, trying to make sense of the world we live in.

I CAN BE STRONGER YET!

2011-03-29T00:41:00.019+08:00

BoulderActive 2011 came and went. I think that performance-wise, it's one of my best efforts by far. Too bad that I slipped off the last hold for Qualifiers Problem 5 - I would have made the finals as the 7th ranked climber otherwise. But there are too many 'what-ifs' in life. This is a competition, and the best man wins (in this case the most worthy 8 competitors qualify). As it is with life, you often only get one chance to prove your worth. I'm not good enough.. yet.

I suppose how I can value add to climbers is to share the thoughts running through my mind as I was attempting the problems. This could help novice climbers boost their own performance, as well as let me reflect on what I've done well, and what I can do better. Climbers are discouraged from taking my words lock, stock and barrel. Instead, they are encouraged to seek dissenting opinions to form their own conclusions. I feel the process of discourse cements our philosophy together better.

The STS introduction by Kiat and Cassandra was highly entertaining for me. I grinned and was reminded of how it all started. Hwa and me went to KL for a gay buddy training trip (non-stop climbing for 4 days at Camp5 and Putrajaya Challenge Park). We were talking about how Singapore lacks a climbing academy for strong climbers to gather, share ideas and train hard together. Ideally, there would be no politics or unhappiness, just the single-minded pursuit of excellence in the sport. The goal of the group will never be to convince or coerce. It is merely for highlighting the plight of promising climbers, and provide an avenue for fruitful interactions. I thought such an entity would be impossible and sat on my hands. Hwa had no such reservations, getting down to setting up a facebook group, inviting several psyched climbers to join. All credit should go to him should there be any success from this little venture.

The double whistle jolted me from the train of thoughts. It was time for the first climber to take the stage - me. The rousing applause from the crowd can be both intimidating yet strangely pleasurable. A balance has to be wrought here. Not let the crowd get to you (and thus affecting the concentration) but also learn to channel that positive energy into movement on the wall. To become a good competition climber, one must learn to live the crowd.

LOOK AT THE CROWD
(photo by chris xie)

I slipped off the starting foothold on the first move of Problem 1. Immediately realising that to hold it as an undercling (plus stepping a small foothold with the left leg and smearing hard with the right leg) would require body tension beyond my current ability, I switched to a frontal loading position. The effect was positive. I managed to finish the problem with relative ease, leaving me with a good 5 minutes left on the clock to rest for Problem 2.

getting down to business on problem 1
(photo by chris xie)

Problem 2 was a deviously tricky. Only 2 out of the 60 competitors managed to finish it. I acknowledge that without sufficient competition exposure, problems such as this will continue to be beyond me. Case in point: I instinctively tried to squeeze my body into the side wall and then scramble up, but my beta was completely flawed. Instead, I was supposed to tolerate the barn door, bring the left foot up onto the handhold, tension against the volume to get some leverage, and then jump for my dear life to a small hold on the top of the volume. Such a counter-intuitive, yet elegant, solution. No amount of traditional training will ever allow me to complete that problem within the allocated time span of 3.5 minutes. To get stronger, I must widen my exposure.

I was satisfied with my performance on Problem 3, managing to finish it on my second attempt. On my first try, I tried to counter tension the barn door to the big green sloper, but the force exerted on my body is unimaginable. That Obi did it so easily during the demo climb reveals a core toughened by years of training. Thankfully, I relied on a toe hook to enable me to hit sloper slowly. Change the toe hook to a step off a screw-on, heel hook the side wall and then slap for the blue sloper on the side wall. Sounds easy? Heh.. Read my original/unedited sentence: (Slowly) change the toe took to a step off a (minuscule) screw-on, heel hook the (bare) side wall and then slap (desperately) for the blue sloper on the side wall (with all your might, all the while tension-ing the entire body!) Each move was precarious and dicey, any lost of focus for even one nano second would have you spitted off the wall. I even had to resort to a face smear for that extra friction!

face smear!
(photo by zul)

But the problem wasn't quite done yet when you reach the blue sloper. I tried a frontal lock to the ending hold, but as I got nearer and nearer to the hold I felt more and more like falling off. Locking harder obviously wasn't the solution for me. I eased down back to the blue sloper, composed myself and tried locking again, this time twisting my left knee to the right. I grabbed the ending hold and HOORAY.. What I lack in strength I try to make up for in cunning!

forbidden jutsu: the drop knee

victory pose after finishing problem 3!
(photos by junwei)

Even though I didn't finish Problem 4, I was most proud of my attempts there. Problem 4 involved a span move to two reasonable-sized holds and then finding the feet before launching off on a redonkulous dyno to a purple ass-shaped tile. Alright, perhaps I'm exaggerating but for a short climber like myself, coupled with the fact that dyno-ing has been my perennial weakness, it was really a big jump for me. Upon getting into the position to crouch for the jump, the handhold just seems miles away. The mind starts to play tricks on you. To be able to do the move, your self-belief cannot for a moment waver. Lucky for me on my third attempt, I gathered up all the energy and exploded to the hold, latching it! Whoopie!

RAWR after latching the dyno
(photo by junwei)

Despite not being able to finish the problem, I was immensely pleased at having surpassed personal boundaries. I still remember throwing a tantrum at PumpFest 09 because a dyno move kept eluding me. If it's any gauge of my improvement at all, climbers like Ponti and Zam also took three tries to latch the dyno. Looks like I've really come a long way since the days of being a static climber who can't jump.

I slipped off the last hold for Problem 5 and this mistake cost me a place in the finals. I feel like I've let the people who believed in me down. Patxi Usobiaga lamented before: all that training is lost with one slip of the foot. Today, I can safely say I know how badly it hurts.

I take this failure very seriously. I will come back stronger. Enough said.

me on the problem 5
(photo by chris xie)

On a lighter note, I'm very inspired by this Pinoy climber who specially flew in to participate in this competition. Others gravitate towards Obi-san and Ponti, but for some reason I take to Amiel. His climbing is precise and clinical, and he bursts with bridled/controlled energy when moving from hold to hold. He is a master at engramming moves, never making the same mistake twice, always able to repeat a move once he has done it. I was most impressed with his ability to latch the dyno of Problem 4 again and again. The fan boy in me just had to take a picture with him :)

same victory pose no less!
(photo by celine)

Woe is me that he didn't manage to qualify for the finals (he ranked 9th - must have been even more painful for him). Watching him crush all the 3 problems (in the free climb time that was allocated to other competitors after the finals) just further convinced me of his skill. He shares a similarity with other top climbers - they've all climbed for 10 years and more, reinforcing my theory that to become a top climber, first and foremost you must love the sport. The motivation must be intrinsic - nobody can force-feed you a 'motivation pill'. Only then will you stay around long enough to be a sensei.

I wish for myself to become one eventually.. but till then, I'll be happy just to pose for a photo with my favourite climber of the entire competition!

Memorandum of Understanding

2011-03-12T21:30:00.008+08:00

I'M A SPONSORED ATHLETE NOW WHOOPIE!!!

Ok please ignore the above, it was totally out of character. But do pardon me as there was no other way to express the pure delight except by using uppercase and several exclamation marks.

As of 12/03/2011, I am a sponsored climber with ClimbAsia, dedicated to carrying their brands and flying their flag.

I've always loved the ClimbAsia story - 3 friends at crossroads in their lives, coming together and starting a climbing gym from scratch. Although the original place was constructed into a small dingy shophouse (with a dark and ulu alley entrance no less!), it was assembled with much love. A place built by climbers for climbers, it was where I spent my formative years (read: getting spanked damn hard by the likes of old timers like Thomas, Chuan, Weida, etc)* in climbing. I would rush down to the place after school to watch my climbing heroes crush hard, and it wasn't uncommon to see me with eyes starry and mouth agape. ClimbAsia has since grown from strength to strength, shifting to a much bigger place at the Civil Service Club, seeing a packed gym at nights, and distributing premier rockclimbing brands now.

Initially I was apprehensive about the whole sponsorship thing. I simply felt I wasn't good enough, acknowledging the fact that there are many climbers who climb much harder than me. My performance during competitions is also somewhat erratic. By some random stroke of luck, I actually managed to get myself ranked as the 2nd Singaporean in Singapore Bouldering League for two consecutive years (09 and 10). But I'm under no illusion to think that I'm superior to those veteran climbers who either chose to abstain, or were unable to attend for some reasons. Some people may think I'm crazy for not jumping at the opportunity immediately. What?! Don't be stupid. Just take it lah! Still need to consider meh? But I adopt a principled stand: doing a good job in whatever endeavour I pursue. It is my personal insistence on being responsible, even at the expense of missing out on a privilege like this. Accepting the sponsorship, but only to bomb out at competitions, just smacks of poor character. Such dishonourable acts leaves a bad aftertaste in the mouth.

After I voiced my concerns to the management, they reassured me. Like every other sponsorship, there will necessarily be strings attached. No doubt competition performance is good to have, but it is not compulsory for them. What's most important for them is that the sponsored climber is a good ambassador for the brand, which entails aspects other than purely performance. I am grateful for that, and promise to do my utmost to repay their faith in me.

When I recounted being offered this sponsorship to a friend, his reply was Wow Jansen I'm really happy for you! Your ambition since JC finally coming true! To which my reply was Huh? Since when did I covet a sponsorship? I don't recall! We disputed whether I really articulated the said objective as my dream. But no matter, a friendly argument fades into insignificance upon contemplative reflection. On hindsight, I didn't chase climbing because I wanted a sponsorship. I pursued excellence in climbing because I'm attracted to the intensity. For me, it is a form of moving mediation. I didn't focus on securing a sponsorship, I focused on perfecting the skill (no doubt I still fall short by any yardstick). The moral of the story is as follows. Focus on the task at hand, and the result will follow. Focus on the result, and often you fail at the task.

I hope to continue to grow together with ClimbAsia, as I've done so for the past 7 years :)

*For the record, I still am being spanked hard by them. Sigh.. some things never change.. and I'm happy for that!

I hate that

2011-03-04T23:55:00.004+08:00

I learned something recently: our true friends are those who are with us when good things happen. They cheer us on and are pleased by our triumphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them for their miserable lives. When things were bad last year, various people I had never ever seen before turned up to console me. I hate that.
- The Zahir by Paulo Coelho

This paragraph totally echoed what I felt in an earlier episode when I 'ranted' about people coming up to console me when I failed to qualify for the finals of a climbing competition. Perhaps Paulo's choice of words (I hate that) were too harsh. But I also have that same aversion against people consoling me, it makes me feel small and weak.

TO GO OR NOT TO GO?

2011-02-15T01:23:00.007+08:00

Dear climbers,

You are included in this email as you are in the top 3 positions in the Singapore Bouldering League in 2010.

As such, you are invited to take part in the -

SPOEX 2011 The North Face Cup & Discovery Climbing Festival

It is a bouldering competition, and it will be held from 26th to 27th February 2011. Please note that you date of arrival can be no later than 25th Feb.

Attached please find the particulars regarding the competition.

Please note that you will be responsible for your own airfare, but accommodation and transport in Korea will be provided.

Please do not hesitate to contact June Pein from Climb Asia if you are interested in the above event.

All the best!

(This email is sent to the top 3 Singaporeans in SBL 2010)

Ben Toh

SCA Manager

Did some rudimentary upside and downside analysis..

Reasons for Going

- Always been my dream to represent Singapore in climbing competitions at the international stage.

- Might not get a chance like this again in the future. I am a year 3 undergraduate. When I’m get into Year 4 I need to cut down on climbing, focus on FYP dissertation, focus on securing decent grades for the last gasp burst of my entire 16 years of education.

- Will be cool to rub shoulders with my climbing heroes who inspired me through their videos.

Reasons for Not Going

- Elbow tendonitis, left upper back injury, spilt finger tip (outer skin detached from inner skin). These injuries are haunting me and preventing me from climbing, much less training hard.

- 1 week notice (the comp is next weekend). Will go there not having trained for the competition and getting owned damn bad. Not training and making the finals in local competitions by the inch of a hair is one thing. Not training and then going for The North Face Cup is another. Throw my own face as well as Singapore's face.

- $600 airfare out of my own pocket

- Clashes with a coaching session with TJ which I've already promised Philip to take.

Decisions decisions.. Come on brain and heart.. get your fucking act together.

What I Look for in a Friend

2011-02-11T12:23:00.011+08:00

So Tell Me What Makes a Friend

The prevalent school of thought is to make as many friends as possible. Indeed, why make enemies when you can make friends? Some people take to others easily, making friends so easily that their friends (at least on facebook) can number in the thousands. I am writing about this because the art of making friends does not come easily to me. Off the top of my head, my definition for a friend is a person who is sincere, loyal and trustworthy, who will accept you for all your peculiarities and will stay at your side through good times and bad times. I remain skeptical of the ability to maintain close ties with hundreds, or even thousands, of friends. To have even just 5 close friends is a challenge daunting to me.

While I acknowledge that having many friends now may prove useful to a person in future, especially in the context of a sales job, I feel that making friends for the sake of securing possible future benefits is counter intuitive at best and superficial at worse.

Diamond in the Rough

Approaching each individual I have a chance to interact with with a beginner's mind is my style. Enter into a conversation and ride it out with no expectations. Perhaps the person lacks physical features which societies deem attractive. Perhaps the person's attitude rub others the wrong way. No matter. I treat them all with equal respect, and talk to them in much the same way I would talk to a friend. Benjamin Graham, father of value investing, says that in the short run, the market is like a voting machine - tallying up which firms are popular and unpopular. But in the long run, the market is like a weighing machine--assessing the substance of a company.

The message is clear: What matters in the long run is a company's fundamentals and not the public's fickle opinion about its short run prospects. It follows that some of the best bargains are to be found in the picking fields of a contrarian. After critical evaluation and sound judgment, he arrives at the intrinsic worth of a firm, which may be contrary to popular opinion. If he resists the temptation to seek refuge in numbers and sticks to his guns, he will eventually take delight in the value shining through after the weighing process.

A corollary can be drawn here. As much as it is true that there are bargains to be found in the thrash heap of the stock market, there are unpolished gems in the unwanted friends list.

I've found some of the most genuine people I've ever met in my life there. Take for example this friend I've made - lets call him H. H is a fellow competition climber. Before I met him proper, many peers have turned up their noses at him for his rather flamboyant behaviour at climbing competitions. Now, I agree that his actions, when seen from a certain light, are distasteful. But if I didn't take the effort to see past that, I wouldn't have uncovered a very sensitive person with a spiritual soul. He is so full of zest and zeal, that my own life pales in comparison.

Following on from that example, I've made another female friend. Let us call her H too. H has this very inquisitive nature. Asking many questions (sometimes too many) is a part of her life as much as being a bookworm is a part of mine. When tasked to execute, she always questions the rationale, sometimes to the extent of questioning that which is dreadfully obvious to others. This slightly irritable demeanour puts some people off. But I pierce the veil of capricious opinion. Upon deeper probing, I realise she seeks reassurance in reasoning, and as a result, her penchant for complicated concepts. I wish her the best of luck on her journey of self discovery and her dream to become a professor.

Fallible Like Every Other Man

Thus far, from what I've written, the reader could have extracted bits of information regarding my personality. From what they gathered, it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for them to imagine this author to be all-embracing saint-like person. I must admit I am far from that.

I have a personal pet peeve too. I have little tolerance for feather-brained people (speak without thinking/seek undue joy from materialistic pursuits/given to frivolity). That trait, while endearing to others, holds little appeal to me. I just hope that with the passing of age, I can learn to become less judgmental and more accommodating.

Personal Responsibility

2011-01-26T13:12:00.002+08:00

In the building practices of ancient Rome, when scaffolding was removed from a completed Roman arch, the Roman engineer stood beneath. If the arch came crashing down, he was the first to know. Thus his concern for the quality of the arch was intensely personal, and it is not surprising that so many Roman arches have survived.

- taken from Margin of Safety by Seth Klarman (1991), who quoted Economist Paul Rosenstein-Rodan.

One of the reasons why I've always insisted on being personally responsible for my own endeavours.

SWEAT. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY!!

2011-01-15T22:05:00.003+08:00

This appeared in my email last Friday. I think the reality of not knowing what to say and the futility of attempting to smokebomb a panel of professors will only hit me when the weekend is over.

2011 International Real Estate Case Competition - Shortlisted for interview

Dear Jansen,

You have been shortlisted for an interview with the selection panel. You will be given 5 minutes to talk about “The most pressing issue or challenge facing the Singapore real estate industry”. There is no need for presentation slides.

Your allocated slot is: Thursday 20^th January 3.00 pm.

Struggles of An Aspiring Monster Man

2011-01-04T12:57:00.012+08:00

This is a story of a climber who entered NUS with big dreams. Dreams of excelling in the rockclimbing competition circuit in Singapore and his pursuit of excellence in the sport. He would like to think that with the passing of age, his passion has transitioned from that of a burning flame to the gentle, unerring glow of a beam of light, but sometimes, a careless spark ignites a raging inferno.

Two factors played immense roles in shaping the child's development. First was the death of close friend who loved climbing. The friend succumbed in the fight against brain cancer and has since emblazoned an emblem of steely determination in child's heart. The boy channeled his elder's derring-do, and was constantly reminded to give his utmost in all his endeavors. To falter and give up in the face of petty obstacles would be a grave insult to his memory.

Second was the inspiration that was a climbing coach. Charmed by the very precise and graceful way with which his coach seemingly flowed through complex sequences, his curiosity was piqued. Starry eyed and eager to learn, he was a boy of 17 years when they got acquainted. The coach's ideas were powerful, yet they were never delivered in a way which was self sermonizing. He employed a seemingly magical way to cajole his students to perform beyond expectations. Beneath the stern facade revealed a person who was unfailingly gentle in his guidance. Under his tutelage, the young boy managed to win Intermediate Men with just slightly over a year of climbing experience under his belt.

Fast forward to his years in tertiary education. Fresh from his victory in the intermediate category, the boy resolved to make his mark in the open category. As a young novice competitor, he often stayed till the very end to watch his climbing heroes compete and never fail to be mesmerized by their feats of strength and skill. He aspired to one day to compete on the same level as his climbing heroes, as a worthy opponent to be reckoned with, and not as someone nobody takes seriously. Existing inherently within him was a clear voice telling him he needs to find his own path someday, for if he walks in the footsteps of his coach, he will forever only stay in his shadow.

While in varsity, he encountered an entirely different training system. Several obstacles stood in his quest for excellence. He has struggled with these issues and thought long and hard about his direction. These setbacks can be distilled into three points.

1. Competing Needs of Various Groups

Firstly, the climbing team is the only team within the school which has to cater to three different difficulty levels: novice, intermediate and open. The various groups have different competing needs. The novice climbers are new to climbing and require an experienced mentor to instill within them the right techniques and to guide them to explore their personal boundaries - as himself was a beneficiary of. The intermediate climbers, endowed with proper techniques but lacking refinement to execute harder moves, now needs a shift of focus to more strength based training. The open climbers compete on a whole new level. The focus has now moved to amalgamating technique and strength into finesse. Besides honing strength, the competitor also needs to sharpen his mind.

Here, it can be argued that even within the open men, there should be a further split into 'Open' and 'Monster'. The Open Men Finals event is a different ball game, where local climbers are pitted against international climbers. The emphasis is on route reading and the ability to execute the moves without mistake on the first attempt. The climbing styles are radical, and there is no better practice than actually qualifying for the finals and competing there on a regular basis. To succeed where others have failed, the character in our story needs to gather all his wits around him.

Unfortunately, the open men or the aspiring monster men only forms a small minority within the team. In an earlier post, his petulant self (one eager for change) has lambasted others for being blind to the needs of this niche group. He now realizes that it is unfair for the majority to accede to the requests of the minority. It would be plain inconsiderate to demand more from those who are already tottering under the gargantuan task of juggling competing needs.

2. Space Management Issues

The climbing gym is a small space which can only optimally house about 10 training climbers. On training days, the gym is often filled with upwards of 30-40 climbers, and space management becomes a dire issue. Optimal training requires ample space - space to move unimpeded around the gym doing boulder intervals, or space to jump from one station to another. Having been instilled from a young age against time wastage, he becomes jittery when forced to sit around and do nothing. But this is inevitable given the size of the team and the communal way around which training is structured.

3. Psyche, or Lack Thereof

To improve fast he needs to train with either climbers stronger than him, or climbers more psyched than him. During team trainings he often overhear peers droning on about being tired, or not wanting to push hard for fear of risking injury. Initially, he resented such people for being lazy and that they only have themselves to blame for being weak. Shortly after, realization dawned on him that people are motivated differently. Because of different backgrounds and personalities, he cannot ask of others the same he demands of himself.

When doing serious training, he morphs into a changed person, one with a darker character. That darker character - one that does not look down kindly at failures, one that will do whatever necessary to achieve pre-set goals, is requisite for improvement. No doubt this scares some people, and thus he cannot train with the majority of the team. Comments along the line of being stupid/crazy for locking off with so much weights in a bid for improvement goes some way into sapping the psyche. Receiving weird stares or silly giggles for screaming when trying to push through repetitions doesnt help either.

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

Should the character in our story train with the team or not? He thinks he already knows the answer. In order to go where no teamNUS climber has gone before, perhaps he needs to walk the road ahead alone. Having better understood the complexities of humanity, he transcended the stage of being angsty with others for not sharing his training philosophy. Nevertheless, he refuses play second fiddle to his aspirations in a bid to appease others, and as a result live a pale imitation of life. In the famous words of Lance Armstrong, a 7 time Tour De France winner despite suffering from testicular cancer, Pain is temporary. Regret lasts forever.

Conversation with Mother

2011-01-04T00:48:00.006+08:00

Before entering university, I applied for the interest-free loan from one of our local banks. Honestly, the loan wasn't required as my parents had already accumulated enough. However, using the $30,000 to generate returns of say, more than 5% a year would be brilliant use of that money, which would otherwise be accruing a measly 0.025% per annum in a current savings account.

Now, what to do with the $30,000? I considered the 'capital guaranteed' structured products offered by banks, but delved deeper and realised that they weren't as attractive as made out to be in advertisements. Dividends weren't guaranteed and worse, the capital could be compromised should a 'credit event' happen. Seeing how they lack the security of bonds and the capital gains potential of stocks, they could probably be called a worse-of-both-worlds investment product. Furthermore, the investor will still be slapped with fund management fees even if the manager underperformed benchmark indices, or worse, suffered losses. Shortly after, the subprime mortgage crisis erupted and the Lehman minibonds saga ensued. Unwary investors lost money buying into complex derivatives they didn't understand. Having read about the anguish of losing life savings and having carefully accumulated nest eggs smashed, I resolved to become financially literate and become responsible for my dollars and cents.

In January 2010, I started a trading account with Phillips' Securities using their online trading platform. I put in $1000 of my own money as the deposit, and my mother entrusted me with $15,000 to invest. The young impressionable me, foolishly thinking that after gaining some rudimentary knowledge on reading analyst reports, blindly bought into 2 counters. On hindsight, these counters were over-priced and violated the cardinal value investing principle of not paying more than 1.5 times book value and 15 times earnings, amongst other criteria. These counters have since gone on to lose 25% and 18% respectively. The lesson really hit me where it hurt - my wallet. It dawned on me that there often exists some conflict of interest, which must be duly considered prior to any purchase. For example, the brokerage house may well be vested in the counter, screaming buy calls publicly but acknowledging the company was thrash privately.

My mother gave my brother $15,000 to invest with shortly after. He deposited the money with me. He soon became consumed by his own work - a start up company selling fitness equipment, and left me to manage the 'Ko Family Fund'. Still smarting from being blindly led around by the nose, I plunged into reading investment classics. Coupled with endless hours of trawling financial websites and blogs, I was equipped with better knowledge. My coursework also exposed me to Real Estate Investment Trusts and their workings, of which the knowledge I used to provide an edge.

I was reporting the status of the portfolio to my mother recently, which sparked off the topic for this blog post, and subsequent reflections.

Me: I've managed to achieve absolute returns of about $3000.

Mother: Good job Son. But $3000 only?

Me: Mother, you have to put things into perspective. $3000 represents an 9.7%* growth in the portfolio. Furthermore, it was a year where I managed CAP scores of 4.00 and 4.25 in the respective semesters, consistently qualified for the finals of 3 prominent bouldering competitions and got myself ranked 3rd overall in the Singapore Bouldering League, did a 3 month internship in a bid to shore up my CV, dedicated time to help pen articles for the local climbing magazine (DYNO Issue 5 and 6), took up the mantle of Chief Route Setter for ClimbNus10, and helped coach a bunch of novice women within the climbing team. I hope I've done a decent enough job.

Mother: Good job Son.

*As of the time of writing, that figure has since grown to 21% given the surge in the stock market (even after taking into account the losses incurred should I choose to liquidate my non-performing securities).

In 2011, I hope to
1. Rebalance my portfolio by diversifying into other asset classes to spread risk. I am currently overweight in equities because of a lack of financial knowledge. I want to learn more about the other asset classes such as commodities, defensive stocks like utilities, bonds, gold, etc, and how I act to lower risk and maximise returns.
2. Attempt to win an Open Men bouldering competition
3. Pull CAP up above 4 (am currently at 3.98/5.00).
4. Be a better person. Be a better son to my parents, sibling to my siblings, boyfriend to my girlfriend, friend to my peers.

i want to be able to speak like that

2010-12-24T15:04:00.002+08:00

I've watched this video some time back but chanced upon it again recently. Despite having watched it twice, I never cease to be amazed by his eloquence and the way his thoughts just weave itself into a coherent, masterful oratory.

to bear in mind

2010-12-19T12:47:00.002+08:00

Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it
- George Santayana

Slaying the Buddha

2010-12-18T21:22:00.004+08:00

There is a famous statement in Buddhist literature: If you meet the Buddha on the path, slay him. It is a simple way of teaching that the Buddha is not a god, but an enlightened person. Enlightenment, or Nirvana, is the ideal end state of that journey - a form of discovered awareness. As such, it can only be realised in consciousness, and not obtained by prostrating/submitting oneself to a god figure. At best the teacher can point one in the right direction. At worst, over-reliance exposes the inherent inadequacies in the student, who may be doomed to have that wisdom he seeks forever elude him.

On a recent trip to Thailand, I saw monks fiddling with DSLR cameras in remote mountains and poring over laptop brochures in bustling cities. At resting rooms allocated for them in bus terminals, an uneasy tension fills the air and they appear reluctant to converse with one another. Perhaps the different sects do not see eye to eye? At Central World Plaza, there is a giant Buddha statue sited outside the even more gigantic mall, with watchmen urging passers-by to offer incense to the statue, citing luck beyond one's wildest dreams. Incidentally, the facade of the mall was decked out in the glitz and glamour of the material world, contrary to Buddha's message of living a life of simplicity. The outdoor area was also playing host to three extravagant beer promotion events. The last I remembered, Buddhism and beer was incompatible. This deviance between that which is taught and that which is practiced is all very amusing to me. I've reflected and formed opinions on my observations, but decided against penning them down, for fear of reprisal.